5 Cornerstones Every Woman Should Incorporate Into Her Relationships

    •    Listen to your gut.  Too many women ignore their instincts.  We need to learn how to tune into that voice that tells us something is off.  If something feels off, it usually is.  Check it out, don’t tune it out.  In my experience, this voice is usually right on—even when others swear it’s not.  (Note:  the only caveat to this is if you tend to be suspicious, jealous or untrusting to begin with.  If this is the case, then you need to get more data and ask yourself if your jealousy is at work here or are the facts supporting your suspicions).
    •    Ask for what you want, not what you think you’ll get.  Too many women base their requests on what they believe the other person will be willing to do.  Your requests should be based on what you want—that’s why they are called requests.  Do not dummy down your request because you don’t think the other person will want to fulfill it.  Ask for what you truly want and then celebrate the yeses you get and learn to accept the nos.  If the nos far outweigh the yeses, decide how you want to handle that imbalance and then step in and speak to it.  
    •    Share what you want to share, not what you think others want to hear.  If a loved one asks you how your day was or something similar, share about your day if you want to.  Don’t silence yourself because you think the other person won’t be interested.  Speak about what you care about and know that if the other person cares about you, s/he will be happy to listen.  (Note: this, by the way, goes for you, too.  You need to listen to what others choose to share -- even if it’s not something you’re excited about hearing).

    •    Be authentic, not “nice.”  I’ve seen countless women lie to friends, lovers, parents and kids under the guise of being nice.  Believe it or not, lying is not nice—even when you do it with the best of intentions.  Telling your girlfriend you’re sick and can’t go out to dinner because you want to go out with someone else is not being a nice friend.  Be honest, not fake.  If you can’t be honest, then, minimally, be neutral…but don’t lie.
    •    Speak directly.  If there’s something you don’t like, stop stewing about it and, instead, discuss it.  Trust me, you will feel much better, even if the conversation doesn’t go well.  When we hold things in, we pay the price.  We end up holding the unspoken stress in our bodies and then get sick, depressed or worse.  Nobody -- and nothing -- is worth that.  Be determined to speak directly—and respectfully—about issues from the start.  The more you deal with things directly from the beginning, the less baggage your relationships will have...which can lead to the end. 

In general, women need to be real from the start in all their relationships.  Too often we start our relationships by pretending we’re someone we think the other person wants us to be.  We need to start off by being ourselves and carry that authenticity throughout our entire relationships. 

Learn to step into life with a centered, grounded strength that is confident, compassionate and strong.  Stand up for yourself with grace and conviction and be the person you would like to be with. 

CHALLENGE:  Think over the different relationships in your life and ask yourself if you incorporate these five cornerstones into all these relationships.  Choose one cornerstone you struggle with and begin to incorporate it into one of your relationships.  Notice what happens as a result and don’t give up when it gets hard.

Comments

[Lesli Doares]

This is such a great post because it gets at what I call the Biggest Relationship Mistake Women Make. Not honoring yourself or being okay with having legitimate requests is problematic for long-term relationships. Doing for others when you don't really want to is grounds for resentment not love. If you can't be yourself in a relationship then the relationship will not last. Thanks.

Dear Lesli: Thanks...I couldn't agree more.
Lisa