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March 29, 2006

BE AUTHENTIC (Cornerstone #6)

Speaking your truth is a wonderful gift. Be truthful in a compassionate, honoring way. Don’t hide it, sugar-coat it, or deny it. Just tell it. This cornerstone alone will transform your relationships.

I’m amazed at how often people don’t speak their truth in relationships. They will lie, pretend, try to be nice, ignore…do everything you can imagine, except tell their truth. While I understand why this happens, I continue to be surprised by the depth of this phenomenon.

Partners lie to each other about sex (of course it was great), money (my work paid for that computer), emotional intimacy (no I don’t feel distant at all - - I think we’re doing good) and much more. The irony is the very partner’s who are lying, are often the ones complaining that they don’t feel close to their partner. I’m not surprised since it’s hard to feel close to someone you’re not honest with.

I realize being honest in your relationship is difficult but I also know that not being honest will rot away at your relationships until there is nothing left to sustain it. If you want emotional intimacy in your relationship, you need to dare to be emotionally intimate.

This begins with being honest. Learn to speak your truth in a relational way and I guarantee you will feel love at a deeper level than ever before. Dare to be vulnerable in your relationship and see if your partner’s capacity for intimacy suddenly grows right in front of you.

If you are not satisfied sexually, stop pretending and start talking. Pretending will get you more of the same…do you want that for the rest of your life? If you have been spending money irresponsibly… own up to it and take steps to repair. If you are feeling distant…tell your partner and work to fix it.

We cannot work on something that we don’t know is there and we can’t know something is there if our partner pretends it is not. Step up to the plate and practice intimacy by being intimate. Minimally this begins with being honest.

Challenge: What is it you are not saying? Write it down, figure out what your message is and then dare to share it. If you are finding it difficult to give honest feedback to someone when they ask, minimally be neutral about your response rather than lying.

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