ME AND MY "SHADOW"

Okay so I have realized that one of my “shadows” as Debbie Ford calls them, is being irresponsible. Yes, I know it sounds horrible and I’m not proud of it, however it’s true. I struggle with sending thank-you cards, birthday cards, calling people back in a timely manner and many other things I’m sure. Responding to RSVP invites is another disaster all together…

Since I have been able to truly “own” this less than attractive side of myself, I have found it quite interesting to hear people’s responses to my new insight. My coach tried to reframe it as perhaps being overwhelmed; I quickly replied that although I was quite busy, I truly could be irresponsible. He struggled a bit with this. My friends then tried to say I was tired and worked hard so it made sense that the last thing I wanted to do was write a thank-you card or the like. I said, “No, pretty much it’s just me being irresponsible.” They were a bit stymied, similar to my coach, with this response. Another friend tried to show me proof that I really wasn’t irresponsible by pointing out all the ways that I am responsible.

I thought it was funny to watch how uncomfortable people became when I owned my “edges”. It’s as though they believed that if I say I can be irresponsible then I’m going to feel bad about myself. In reality, I feel quite good about this newly owned shadow or edge. I don’t have to pretend anymore. Now I just know that I have this part of me and I am better able to address it as a result.

It would be nice if those around me could allow me to own this part without feeling the need to care-take me. This experience has confirmed my belief more than ever that honesty is a gift we give to one another. If I allowed myself to believe the stories others were trying to tell my about my behaviors, then I would simply need to change my schedule; this is very different then being more responsible.

After much convincing, my friends began to look back and agreed that yes I can be irresponsible or not quite as thoughtful about things. We agreed that if they ever experience me as falling into this shadow part of myself, they would call me on it. Now I can work on this issue with support and accountability from friends…yikes! J

Challenge: If a close friend or your partner asks you for feedback, give it to him/her. Don’t try to protect others by watering down the truth; speak it respectfully and know that is a gift that you offer with love.

Comments

[Pamela Slim]

Hey Sister!

It is great to visit your blog and see that you are still rocking and rolling! I suffer from the exact same shadow as you. For some strange reason, I find any excuse to not send a card or get a present sent on time (if at all). Yet I love to receive them myself. Your post gives me good strength to work on this area in the coming year. I think we can go overboard with cards and presents sometimes, but for my immediate family who lives all over the country, it is a tangible way to show that I care enough to plan ahead and do something thoughtful.

Blog on!
:)
-Pam

[Terry MacRae]

Hi Lisa,

It's so refreshing to hear someone own their "shadow". As you are know, awareness is the hardest step in making a change. The next step is finding resources to offset those areas that plague you. As a Virtual Assistant who works with overwhelmed business owners and their "shadows", I'm here when you're ready. :)

[rg]

Hi Lisa,

I think it runs in the family!! I forgot to call you on your birhtday! (Laugh out loud/LOL)
Also your Christmas presents are still waiting for someone to mail them to you! I don't who but someone more responsible then me your sister. I am laughing so hard as I am writing this because I am just as irresponsible!

After working all day; answering the phones; solving irrate resident's problems; doing jobs others refuse to do because it is beneath them; going back to school; helping the hubby; helping the children; cleaning; and trying to pay the bills without money, who wants more responsiblity after a day like that! (LOL)

Love you,
Sis