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4 posts from July 2007

July 21, 2007

HINDSIGHT IS 20/20: IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER-by Erma Bombeck

I find it helpful to stop every once in a while to take a look at what relationships we’re taking for granted and where we might look back and say “I wish I…”.

I received this poem in an e-mail from my mother. Thanks mom!

In honor of women's history month and in memory of Erma Bombeck who lost her fight with cancer.

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck
(written after she found out she was dying from cancer).

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.
I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
I would have talked less and listened more.
I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.
I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
I would hav e shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.
I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day ay because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.
I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.
I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Continue reading "HINDSIGHT IS 20/20: IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER-by Erma Bombeck" »

July 14, 2007

WEIGHT AND RELATIONSHIPS: HOW DO I TALK ABOUT MY PARTNERS’ WEIGHT WITHOUT HURTING HIS/HER FEELINGS?

I received a great e-mail last week asking me how to tell your partner that his/her weight is becoming a problem for you. Not surprisingly, people tend to have very strong views in this area and therefore this can be a very touchy subject for many people. Even professionals have opposing views.

That said…my views on this topic are simple: As with any topic, or area of discussion, you must first work your end and then speak relationally and respectfully to your partner.

In order to work your end, you have to make sure what you are asking is reasonable, and next, you make sure you’re giving what you’re asking your partner to give. In the area of weight, make sure your expectations are realistic and if they are, make sure you’re willing to work on your weight also.

Determining whether your expectations are realistic can be difficult. If your partner is actually within his/her ideal weight range (there are many weight charts you can look at to find out this information) and his/her doctor is not saying their weight is a problem, you may want to question your expectations. If you want your partner to look like the paper-thin models in magazines, on the internet, and on television, then know that our culture’s messages of beautiful women and men is unhealthy, extreme, and unrealistic. Also, as you and your partner get older, don’t expect either one of you to have the body of a twenty year old—that only happens when you’re in your twenties.

Continue reading "WEIGHT AND RELATIONSHIPS: HOW DO I TALK ABOUT MY PARTNERS’ WEIGHT WITHOUT HURTING HIS/HER FEELINGS?" »

July 09, 2007

GREAT RELATIONSHIPS REQUIRE GREAT LISTENING…BUT HOW DO YOU DO THAT WHEN YOUR PARTNER’S COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU?

Here are some helpful tips to keep you on track when your partner is upset about something you did and wants you to listen:
• Listen to understand where your partner is coming from. Your job is to put yourself in your partner’s shoes for a moment and get a clear picture of what is going on for her/him. You do not have to agree with what s/he is saying; you simply have to understand it.
• The only thing in your head while you are listening should be your partner’s words—not your rebuttals (i.e., “That didn’t happen Wednesday, it happened Thursday”; “Is she crazy?”; “I didn’t say no, I said I doubted it.”)
• If you find yourself getting triggered and/or reactive, close your mouth, take a slow deep breath to regroup, and get centered. Do not speak until you are in a calm, centered place and you’re sure you can speak relationally.
• Do NOT interrupt, defend, explain, minimize, or turn the issue around on your partner. These behaviors are likely to get you into an argument and will leave your partner frustrated, to say the least.

Continue reading "GREAT RELATIONSHIPS REQUIRE GREAT LISTENING…BUT HOW DO YOU DO THAT WHEN YOUR PARTNER’S COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU?" »

July 04, 2007

MODERATION WITH CELEBRATIONS: THE IMPACT OF ALCOHOL IN RELATIONSHIPS

The Fourth of July has finally arrived. As a result, there are parties abound; days off work, family gatherings, fireworks flying, delightful foods, and of course…alcohol flowing.

As with many holidays, this seems to be the common mix for celebrations. Often, this mix can lead to a great deal of connection and fun—an opportunity for families to connect without having the weight of work on their shoulders. When done in moderation, celebrations are a great respite for many couples and families. When celebrations are not done in moderation however, they can be a recipe for disaster.

In my experience, a key culprit to tipping the tables from fun to disaster is…alcohol. It’s important to remember that alcohol lowers inhibitions. This means that some people will become more gregarious, while others will become more obnoxious, mean-spirited, and/or difficult. Either way, this often leads to many difficulties between partners (and others).

Continue reading "MODERATION WITH CELEBRATIONS: THE IMPACT OF ALCOHOL IN RELATIONSHIPS" »

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