Main

6 posts from October 2007

October 29, 2007

RELATIONSHIP TERMINATIONS: IS IT TIME TO LISTEN TO YOUR PARTNER OR WILL IT BE TOO LATE?

I recently saw a couple who were on the brink of divorce. In fact, it was pretty clear that he was three quarters out the door. He was adamant that if some key things didn’t change in an instant, he was out.

She wasn’t buying his complaints all that much and thought he exaggerated. As we went through the session, what he was complaining about was very evident.

After hearing both sides, I began to work with the wife. I was clear that what her husband was saying about her was in fact true. She could be cold, demanding, and verbally abusive. I went on to discuss the impact of this on their children, their marriage, and her life. I stressed that if she chose to continue doing what she was doing, her marriage would be over (according to her husband) and her children were likely to continue to be cold and aloof toward her. The future, I predicted, would be fairly lonely.

She got it. She listened to what her husband, I, and her children had said to her, and she took a deep breath and took in the information that so many people in her life had attempted to tell her before now. Fortunately for her and her family, she understood.

Continue reading "RELATIONSHIP TERMINATIONS: IS IT TIME TO LISTEN TO YOUR PARTNER OR WILL IT BE TOO LATE? " »

October 23, 2007

PERFECTION AND INVULNERABILITY IN RELATIONSHIPS SHATTERS INTIMACY

Growing up the youngest of five children, I quickly learned that one way to get attention was to excel.  If I could be the best at something, I would stand out.

So I learned to hide and stand out at the same time.  I would hide all my imperfections behind a wall of invulnerability and I would make sure my performance was top notch so I could stand out in the crowd.  Not a bad plan…or so I thought.

These past several months I’ve been a part of many group experiences. What has struck my about these experiences is the intimacy created when a person chooses to be vulnerable and share his/her imperfections.  As someone who does not do this readily, it was powerful for me to see it up close, again and again.

Not surprisingly, I also noticed how it felt to be on the other side of someone who was walled off, invulnerable, and/or prone to telling others how he/she was doing everything well.  The impact, I saw, of putting on a façade of perfection and invulnerability was…distance.  I watched as the group gravitated to those who shared and left the others to themselves.  This wasn’t out of anger or upset, it was just a natural response to someone who is more walled; walls tend to be cool and hard and not much fun to try to relate to.

Continue reading "PERFECTION AND INVULNERABILITY IN RELATIONSHIPS SHATTERS INTIMACY" »

October 12, 2007

MOM'S OVERTURE: PARENTING HUMOR

Click on the link below for some parental humor to bring a smile to your day.
Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGoelj7l668

October 10, 2007

ANGER AND EMOTIONS IN RELATIONSHIPS

I was just reading a blog about anger management. The blog is: http://www.daybreakservices.com/blog/
For those of you who struggle with anger, you may want to check this blog out. It has a lot of helpful tips to help control your anger and the writing is short and succinct.

Speaking about anger, there seems to be a common belief that anger is bad. I hear people say they know they shouldn’t be angry but they can’t help it, or they know anger is bad but…

First off, anger is a healthy emotion; in fact, all emotions are healthy. The fact that we can feel such a large range of emotions just means we’re human. No one emotion is right or wrong, it just is. The same is true for anger. It’s not “bad” to feel angry, it just is. It’s an emotional state that we all experience at some time or other--not good, not bad, not right, not wrong.

Continue reading "ANGER AND EMOTIONS IN RELATIONSHIPS" »

October 05, 2007

THE IMPORTANCE OF SAYING NO IN RELATIONSHIPS


Have you ever met anyone who is always willing to help? No matter what you ask them, they say yes…even if it means totally rearranging their life to help you. Perhaps you are this person.

Whether it’s you or someone you know, always saying yes is a bad habit to get into.

If you find yourself constantly putting the needs of others before your own, it’s time to make a change. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. When you do it reversed (put the needs of others before yourself) you have little left for you. When you have little left for you, the following often occurs:
• You feel stressed all the time.
• You begin to be short with your family and loved ones because quite frankly, you’re tired; you’re on EMPTY!
• You feel overwhelmed and like there’s not enough time in the day.
• You’re constantly wondering how you’re going to get all the things you need to get done--done.
• You’re spouse, children, neighbors, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, third cousins and everyone else you can imagine, are calling you for a favor; after all, they can often count on you for a yes!
• You may begin to turn to unhealthy vices to de-stress (alcohol, porn, drugs, excessive eating, etc.).

Continue reading "THE IMPORTANCE OF SAYING NO IN RELATIONSHIPS" »

October 01, 2007

RELATIONSHIP TRUISM: TRUST CAN TAKE A MOMENT TO BREAK AND A LIFETIME TO GET BACK

One of the most common things I see in my work with couples is a breach of trust. This breach can take the form of an affair, a hidden addiction, repetitive lies, misrepresentations of the facts (over and over again), broken promises etc. The fact that this occurs frequently may not be a surprise to anyone; people make mistakes and do things they regret all the time. As long as we are not repeating the same mistakes and are doing our best to repair them, then it’s just part of being human.

What is surprising to me however, is the expectation by the offending partner, that as soon as s/he apologizes, everything should go back to normal. This is crazy…especially if the damage s/he did was big (i.e. affair, addiction, repetitive lies and broken promises). In some cases, there isn’t even an apology and the offending partner feels entitled to forgiveness. This is even crazier!

The reality is: Trust can take a moment to break and a lifetime to get back.

The length of the road is largely determined by the offending partner and how s/he goes about repairing the damage done. If you do everything right, it may take only a couple years. If you don’t do everything right, you’re looking at a very long road.

Continue reading "RELATIONSHIP TRUISM: TRUST CAN TAKE A MOMENT TO BREAK AND A LIFETIME TO GET BACK " »

Connect with Lisa

Icon Email

Icon Twitter

Icon Facebook

Icon Linkedin

Icon YouTube

Icon Blog Feed

Subscribe to Straight Talk 4 Women

Enter your email address to receive
updates every time I post


Powered by FeedBlitz

Listen to Podcasts

Purchase Products

Attend an Event

Training for Therapists