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4 posts from March 2008

March 24, 2008

RELATIONSHIP STRUGGLES… HOW MUCH STRUGGLE IS TOO MUCH?

There are so many conflicting messages in the world about relationships that people don’t know what to expect or even hope for in their relationships.  On the one side we hear that relationships are hard work and at the other end we hear that if you marry your soul mate, everything should be smooth sailing.

So what’s the truth?

My belief is that relationships take time to form, attention to grow, and nourishment to stay strong.  This can be hard work, however, most of the work is time and attention--not constant struggles filled with harsh comments, intense fighting, or cold silences. 

There’s a difference between putting time into something, versus working like a dog constantly to be heard, respected, and cherished.   I believe that relationships take time and effort.  I do not believe they should be an endless dance of pain and sorrow followed by occasional moments of joy.

Continue reading "RELATIONSHIP STRUGGLES… HOW MUCH STRUGGLE IS TOO MUCH?" »

March 18, 2008

A SIMPLE TOOL FOR CONNECTION IN RELATIONSHIPS: THE CHECK-IN

In my work with couples throughout the years, I’ve been amazed by how little partners talk with one another.  Sure, there’s the obligatory hello and how was your day, but beyond that there’s very little communicating going on.  Some couples don’t even say hello.

I still find this to be surprising and…sad.  I can’t imagine coming home every night and not having an adult conversation with my partner--how lonely.  Intimacy is all about sharing your world with your partner.  You can’t do this if you barely talk to one another. 

The reality is people need connection, plain and simple.  If people aren’t feeling connected at home, they will go outside the home.  Women often will turn to their girlfriends to fuel them emotionally while the men turn to work.  After a while, both parties are getting a majority of their needs met outside the relationship. 

It’s often only a matter of time before this distance becomes too great to surmount.

Continue reading "A SIMPLE TOOL FOR CONNECTION IN RELATIONSHIPS: THE CHECK-IN" »

March 13, 2008

STAND BY YOUR MAN…TO DO OR NOT TO DO: SHOULD GOVERNOR ELIOT SPITZER’S WIFE BE STANDING BY HER MAN…LITERALLY?

Another one bites the dust; it seems as though the politicians in this country are dropping like flies.  Whether it’s a heterosexual affair with an intern, a gay affair with another man, or string of sexual indiscretions with prostitutes, things are heating up in the political world. 

Unfortunately it is not only the offending individuals who are paying the price.

The ripple effect of these betrayals is enormous, touching the lives of the spouses, children, colleagues, employees, and our entire political system.  The spouses are devastated, the children ridiculed and teased, employees are forced to clean out their offices while the next political target comes in, and the faith in our Nations’ political system is shaken once again.

The behavior of one, impacts the lives of many... 

Continue reading "STAND BY YOUR MAN…TO DO OR NOT TO DO: SHOULD GOVERNOR ELIOT SPITZER’S WIFE BE STANDING BY HER MAN…LITERALLY?" »

March 05, 2008

STICK TO THE ISSUE AT HAND…RELATIONSHIPS ARE HARD ENOUGH DEALING WITH CURRENT ISSUES, NO NEED TO DREDGE UP THE PAST ONES TOO

Have you ever found yourself going on and on incessantly about something your partner has done? You’re so angry about something s/he just did you can’t help but bring up every other similar offense s/he has done in the past twenty years.

You end up sounding something like this:

“I can’t believe you’re late AGAIN!!! You said you’d be home at 7:00; it’s 7:15. You’re NEVER on time! Last month you did the same thing: you said you’d be home at 6:00 but NOOOOOO of course you can’t make it home at 6:00, you get home at 7:00. You don’t call me, you don’t apologize…NOTHING! Not only that, do you remember when we had that party last year? Oh yeah, that was a great one.  I pleaded with you to be on time and you SWORE you would--but were you?  Of course not! You weren’t on time then either.  You were even late on our wedding day! Yeah, go figure, at MY wedding it’s not the bride who’s traditionally late, of course not, it’s the groom!!! That was twenty years ago and you’re still doing the same damn thing. Your mother told me you were even late for your own birth!!! How screwed up is that?!

Does this sound familiar to anyone?  If it does--know that you are not alone. There are hundreds of couples who are trying to deal with this issue on a steady basis. I often hear the men complaining about how their partner is constantly nagging them and bringing up old issues. The women complain that the men keep doing the same damn things so why wouldn’t they bring up other examples.

So what’s the real scoop? 

.

Continue reading "STICK TO THE ISSUE AT HAND…RELATIONSHIPS ARE HARD ENOUGH DEALING WITH CURRENT ISSUES, NO NEED TO DREDGE UP THE PAST ONES TOO" »

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