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4 posts from July 2008

July 29, 2008

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: THE READERS SPEAK OUT

I've received several comments following my last post on domestic violence and wanted to address some of them.  FIrst and foremost I want to thank all my readers for taking the time to write in on this topic.  I also want to thank several of you for reminding me that women are not the only ones who are physically abused.  Although domestic violence is more common for women than men, men are also the victims of physical abuse by thier partners and subsequently deal with many of the same painful issues as women who are abused.

 It is difficult to get an accurate statistic on the frequency however due to the low level of reporting by men.  Men often don't report the violence due to several factors including: the stigma of a man being hit by a woman, not believing they will be believed, the physical damage is often much less than when the man is the perpetrator, lack of community support and knowledge of violence by women toward thier partners.

Many readers also commented on the difficulty of leaving violent relationships.  Leaving violent relationships is one of the most difficult things to do.  Often there has been years of abuse on top of isolation and a break down of the person's spirit; these are not easy obstacles to overcome.  If they are able to overcome these obstacles and actually make the decision to leave, then they have to deal with the fact that they are the greatest risk of violence when they leave...not an easy feat for anyone to overcome let alone someone who has been beaten down emotionally and physically for years. 

Continue reading "DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: THE READERS SPEAK OUT" »

July 22, 2008

YOUR RELATIONSHIP OR YOUR LIFE? NO ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP IS WORTH YOUR LIFE!

This week’s headlines regarding Nancy Cooper’s murder has led me to write this post.

Nancy

was the mother of two beautiful little girls who are now left to deal with one of the most traumatizing, life altering adversities anyone could ever experience.  Whether her husband is guilty of this murder or not, it brings to light the horrifying reality of domestic violence.

 

I receive several e-mails from women involved in either physically abusive or emotionally abusive relationships.  Often these women talk about their struggle to leave or their wish for things to change.  They cling to this idea that their partner will come to his senses and all of a sudden see the error of his ways and no longer be abusive.  

 

I have yet to see this happen.  In fact one truth I know is: wishing the relationship will change, will never change the relationship.

 

Continue reading "YOUR RELATIONSHIP OR YOUR LIFE? NO ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP IS WORTH YOUR LIFE!" »

July 12, 2008

MARRIAGE MYTH: MARRIAGE IS THE ANSWER TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS

Many people seem to think that when there is a problem in a relationship, getting married will make it disappear.  I have no idea where this thought or fantasy came from but let me be clear…it is NOT true.

 

In fact, not only does marriage not cure what ails an ailing couple, it actually intensifies it.  Put another way:

  • Partners who are mean prior to marriage…get meaner after marriage.
  • Drinking problems that were present before the marriage…often intensify after the marriage.
  • A partner who cheats prior to the wedding date…is likely to cheat after the wedding date.
  • Someone who stays out all night with his/her friends when dating…will probably stay all night when married.

Continue reading "MARRIAGE MYTH: MARRIAGE IS THE ANSWER TO YOUR RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS" »

July 06, 2008

RELAXATION AND RELATIONSHIPS: THE ART OF PUTTING RELATIONSHIPS BEFORE TASKS

Have you ever known anyone who just couldn’t sit down?  S/he would be folding the laundry, mowing the lawn, straightening up an already clean house, weeding, gardening, exercising, taking a bike ride, running to the store, washing the car, waxing the car…ugh, I’m tired just writing about it.  In essence this person does anything and everything except relax.  People who struggle with this constantly keep busy…and, as a result, they put tasks before relationships.

 

While I was away on vacation this past week, I noticed how difficult it was for some people to just relax.  They were constantly cleaning up after others, straightening chairs, getting people food, getting people drinks, setting the table, cleaning the table, moving the chairs, organizing a game, playing a game…and on and on.  It was exhausting watching them.  It can also be uncomfortable and distancing. 

 

Constant tasks often serve as a wall that keeps any kind of connection or intimacy at bay.

 

I see this with many of the couples I work with.  One partner is constantly on the go while the other partner is repeatedly asking for a little down time together.  The result…frustration, distance, and…a well-kept house.

 

Continue reading "RELAXATION AND RELATIONSHIPS: THE ART OF PUTTING RELATIONSHIPS BEFORE TASKS" »

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