PART II: THE MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP IN YOUR LIFE IS THE ONE WITH YOUR SELF: Quick tips (numbers six through ten) to get you on the right track

Here are the remaining five tips to help you start creating a healthier relationship with yourself.  Best of luck and let us know how it goes!

TIPS 6-10:

6.  Do not excuse abusive behavior for any reason.  Too often people make excuses for their partner’s inexcusable behaviors by saying s/he was stressed, drunk, not feeling well, hurt, upset, depressed, etc.  Stop the excuses.  It doesn’t matter why someone’s mean to you, what matters is that they are mean.  We’re all stressed, struggling, worried, etc., at some point in our lives, that doesn’t give us the right to take it out on other people.  They need to stop that behavior or you need to move on.

7.  Own your worth.  Every single human being in this world has the same inherent worth as the next one.  No one is worth any more than or less than anyone else.  Every person is either someone’s son or someone’s daughter; a life is a life.  We are all equal.  Know this, own this, and live by this.  You have a right to be on this planet and your presence impacts this planet.  If you struggle with this then use affirmations to help strengthen your sense of worth.  State twenty-five times a day, for thirty days, the following:  “I am absolutely worthy to be in this world and I deserve to be treated well, by all people, at all times.”

8.  Discover the things you like to do and put some time aside to do them.  You need to schedule “life breaks” into your weekly routine.  If you’re home with the kids 24/7, then take some time to yourself and have your partner watch the kids for a couple hours each week.  If s/he refuses, hire a babysitter.  If you work 24/7, schedule in a work-free zone each week with no e-mail, phone, or projects.  Fill in that time with something you like to do and enjoy yourself guilt free.

 9.  Stand up for yourself and stop worrying about what others will think or how they will react.  Too often people avoid conflict at all cost.  They stay away from difficult conversations, “eat” their feelings, and don’t stand up for themselves when an injustice has been done or they’ve been slighted.  Excuses include: s/he’ll just get mad, I don’t want to make things more difficult than they already are, he’s not a talker, and on and on.  Speaking your truth is not about your partner; it’s about you taking care of yourself.  Forget about what you imagine his/her response is going to be and focus on you.  Speak it respectfully and with love… AND SPEAK IT.

10.  Realize that people in your inner circle need to treat you the best.  I’ve seen couples who treated strangers on the street better than they treated each other.  That’s not okay!  It’s a privilege to be in your inner circle so make sure that only those who treat you well may enter that circle and remain in that circle.  (This is also true for your partner…it’s a privilege to be in your partner’s inner circle and you therefore need to treat him/her well).  

CHALLENGE:  Choose two areas to focus on from this post and work them like crazy into your life over the next month.  Don’t worry about those around you right now, just focus on your work and pay attention to the changes you see and feel.  Write in and let us know what you see!

Comments

[E.L.]

U've said a mouthful. "Selfworth" brings about reassurances, confidence, acceptance, joy, and true friends. So I sincerely agree with U.

[judy pieper]

This is like you analized me and wrote these 10 steps just for me. Now I am not sure where to start at this time, but it is time to start. This is going to be hard I know but yet I can't wait to see/feel the results. Best get started right now--and thank you .

[AB]

I think a good item to add to this list of 10 is to forgive yourself for your past. I meet so many people who feel it is just too late to start doing these things.
Personally, I have been working on self-improvement for a little over a year now and it is amazing the influence you can have on the people around you once you start being a healthy person. My husband has 100% stepped up to meet me and now we have a great relationship where we respect each other and can talk about issues we are having instead of just being grumpy at each other. Habits are hard to break but they can be broken. This list is great but start with forgiving yourself.