THE POWER OF NEGATIVE TALK (TO YOURSELF AND TO OTHERS)

The past five months I’ve been working hard on a new speech which I will give tonight (wish me luck!).  This process has brought to light, in a whole different way, the power of negative talk…and positive talk.

I have become acutely aware of the power of my words on my performance:  the days my rehearsals have gone well, my words were positive; the days they didn’t go well, I was beating myself up before I ever got started.  I’m aware this is not a shocking revelation to most people however, to realize that if I change the way I speak to myself, I will improve my speech tenfold is a very uplifting concept.

Individuals talk down to themselves every day, all day long, without realizing the impact of that on their day to day living.  We tell ourselves that we’re fat, stupid, not good at what we do, a bad parent and on and on.  Seldom do we take the time to remind ourselves that we’re worthy, competent, important, smart, capable etc.  It’s as though the only lens we look through is the one that’s grey and cloudy.

We need to change our lens.

We need to be more cherishing of our selves:  more forgiving, more loving, and more understanding.  We are all human and as such, we are perfectly imperfect (as Pia Melody would say).  We will make mistakes…and we will have successes; that’s part of being human.  Berating ourselves for being human is not helpful or necessary.

The same is true regarding others.  When others make mistakes, the last thing we need to do is pounce on them.  Talking negatively to a loved one is not loving.  Be supportive, ask them to work on it, set a limit, or offer to help …just don’t be a critic constantly pointing out the imperfections of others.  We need to remember our humanity.  We’re all imperfect and that’s okay, it’s part of being human.

Pay attention to the power of words…to yourself and to others.  They have the power to tear you down or build you up.  They also have the power to do the same to your partner.  Be impeccable with your words and use them to build not destroy.

CHALLENGE:  Commit to speak positively to yourself and to others over the next two weeks.  Every time you catch yourself speaking negatively stop it and rewind.  Turn the statement into one that will build connection (with yourself and with others) and let us know what you notice.

Comments

[carol helmer]

Good Luck Tonite!!!!!!! This is a very interesting commentary, ever since I heard Terry mention relational to others and between our own ears, I've noticed how my outward relationalness is good and between my ears I can sometimes notice that I am screaming. I notice the negative comments I make internally about myself and about others and it feels so much better when it is all clear. I am working on that and continuing this relational practice which is challenging and so oo oo rewarding! Warmly, Carol

[ML]

We want to know how your speech went, Lisa.

LISA'S REPLY: Dear ML, You're so kind to ask...It went great, thank you :-). It definately had people thinking about themselves and thier relationships differently. It was exciting to see that the message was hitting home for many people. It was a lot of fun.