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April 14, 2009

APPRECIATION IN RELATIONSHIPS: DO YOU APPRECIATE YOUR LOVED ONES? CAN THEY TELL?

We’re often so trained at seeing what’s wrong—with people, projects and issues—that we sometimes lose our ability to see what’s right.  Our child gets a B on a test and we focus on the A they missed.  Our partner comes home an hour early and we ask why they don’t come home at that time every day.  Our friends give us a call out of the blue and we ask why they waited so long.  We forget that when it comes to relationships, a critical lens isn’t always the best lens.

Relationships require nourishment, not just critiques.  It’s fine to work on improving them, strengthening them or adjusting them, however, it’s equally important to appreciate them.  If there are things you like about your partner, child, friend, etc., then tell them.  Be thankful for what they do and let them know you’re thankful.  You don’t have to love everything about them, however you do have to love something…and you need to tell them.

CHALLENGE:  For the next week, change your relationship lens.  Focus on what your loved ones are doing well and highlight it.  Tell them “thank you.”  Tell them you love having them in your life.  Tell them (fill in the blank).  I don’t care what positive feedback you give them…as long as you give it.  Notice what happens as a result.

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I know I am guilty of this. When I hear my loved ones doing it to me I always wonder what the heck is going on!?

Great, simple advice. Always a good reminder I will keep and read frequently.

Thanks.

My husband knows I appreciate him, I tell him so a lot. However, he doesn't tell me he appreciates me, unless I tell him first. It's like it doesn't occur to him until I say it.

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