ANOTHER LESSON FROM THE DALAI LAMA: A DIFFERENT VIEW

As I was listening to the Dalai Lama a few weeks ago, I was struck by how much he projected love, joy and a child-like playfulness.  He appeared to be centered, calm and…well, happy.  It struck me because I don’t see that very often, in my work or in life. 

One of his life rules (my words), which is paramount to his happiness is:  When bad things happen or we find ourselves in a difficult or painful situation, remember to look at the situation from a different view.  We often get so caught up in our pain and upset that it becomes the only thing we see.  Consequently, we often miss the gift.

The example the Dalai Lama gave was the loss of Tibet.  He stated that although that was a very painful experience, it also resulted in many rewarding and life-changing opportunities.  The loss of Tibet led to his travel all over the world, his ability to speak to thousands of people on behalf of his people and his beliefs and it led to many, many other opportunities that he would not have been able to otherwise have. 

 

When he was able to see the gifts as well as the pain, he had a more thorough view and a greater appreciation of the situation.  This doesn’t mean he was happy about the loss of Tibet or even that he would wish it to happen again, it only means there was another side.  This other side helped with the pain.

I’ve had this experience in my own life and am thankful for it. Several years ago my abilities were questioned at a workshop I was doing with my mentor.  This unpleasant incident led to many long, difficult discussions, an honest self-examination, a company-wide exploration and a lot of upheaval.  There were many issues at work at the time and  it was a very painful time of questioning. 

Incorporating the Dalai Lama’s rule of looking at the situation from the other side, it’s easy to see there were two sides to this experience.  On the one side, this was a very painful time that put my job, my talents and my future in question.  I had actually been playing with the idea of reducing my private practice and being a part-time salaried employee.  On the other side, this questioning forced me to make a decision about what I wanted for my future.  It forced me to “up” my game, go out on my own and truly step into myself in a way I never had before.  Today, I look back at that several-month period as the best thing that ever happened to me.  I wish it could have been less painful, however I’m extremely thankful it happened.  I now have an agent who has accepted my book proposal, I’m speaking around the country and I’m building my own platform.  This never would have happened (as quickly anyway) had I not gone through this agonizing experience.

If you or your loved ones are going through a difficult time, take a moment to look at the other side.  Perhaps your financial struggles are a wake up call for you to clean up your finances, or build reserves. Maybe the other side to your cancer diagnosis is a renewed closeness with your family.  Whatever the issue, there is often another side.  Dare to be open enough to see the possible gift…and act accordingly.

CHALLENGE:  If you’re struggling with an issue, a person or a life situation, sit back for a moment and look at it with a new lens.  Is there a life lesson this experience is trying to teach you?  Is this a recurring theme?  Is there a gift somewhere in the pain?  Be open to seeing the other side…it may lead to the change you’ve been looking for.

If you can relate to this post, we’d love to hear your story…tell us about it.

Comments

[Craig R. Lang]

I am in a life situation of gridlock. I am in a job/career that I'm not very crazy about, but it pays well and offers good benefits. The most important one is medical insurance.

I am the sole breadwinner and we have major long-term illness in the family. Thus, I feel obligated to remain in a position in which very good medical benefits are available.

I would mostly love to go into business for myself, but these factors prevent me from doing so.
Best of Luck-Lisa

The end result is that I feel stuck in between worlds. I try to do both, working at my job full time and my business part time. However, that really only means I have limited energy for either.

Decision gridlock like this seems to be the story of my life, dissatisfaction with the status quo vs fear-of/inability-to change.

I know there must be a creative workaround, somehow. I'm sure there is a lesson here. But so far, my grade at that lesson has been about a D-minus... :-)

I'm very open to comments on this.

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[Donna]

I had been struggling with the loss of a relationship and I have pondered the question, "Have I learned anything from this." The answer is yes I have. It was a painful lesson in learning when to let go but it is a gift in that the lesson will never be forgotten and never again will I be involved with a person I know has been deceptive in the past. You're right. You have to look at the gifts, as well as dealing with the pain.

[Lani Jacobs]

My ex-husband was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease when our two sons were three months and fourteen months old. The next twenty years were very difficult and our marriage eventually ended in divorce. But his disability and need for medical insurance through the state prevented me from working. Since I was already home and had a background in teaching, I decided to homeschool our sons. It was the very best experience of my life. We were able to take long camping trips across country as well as almost weekly field trips to museums, parks and historical sights. My sons and I became very close and I learned as much as they did. They are in their twenties now and I am proud of their accomplishments but more than that I am proud of the men they have become and the closeness we still share. My husband's disease is very sad and I would not wish it to happen to anyone but I am grateful that I was able to spend so much time with my sons and share in their education.

[Susie]

It's going on 3 years since my husband had an affair. I struggle with it, but in my mind that affair was a huge turning point in our lives and relationship. It made everything so much better. Would I ever want it to happen again? No, no, no. Because then I would have to leave and our relationship has become so great because it made us sit down and talk with a counselor which we should have done way before that. Now we know how to handle our differences. Between that and finding this blog which continues to help me grow as a person and become a stronger woman, I couldn't ask for a happier life right now.

So yes, sometimes one of the most painful experiences in your life can change your life for the better.
Even though it is really hard to acknowledge.