BRING YOUR BEST SELF INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIP--EVEN IN TOUGH TIMES

Why is it that so many people bring their best selves into their relationships with anybody and everybody except their partners?  They’re funny with their friends, on top of things at work, loving to their children…and cranky, lazy, distant and serious with their partners.

Busy schedules, long days, small disagreements, snappy comments...and before you know it, you’re both a little annoyed.  If you don’t deal with the annoyance, it grows.  One annoyance then builds upon another and another, until the laughter quiets, the affection diminishes and the playfulness stops.

Soon, either one or both of you stop being the person you were when you met.  Sometimes you’re not aware of this until it’s too late.

Much of this happens because you don’t pay attention.  It also happens when people hold grudges and don’t speak about what’s happening in the relationship.  Whatever the reason, the cure is to make a decision to bring back those earlier pieces of yourself that have been missing for so long.

If you’re not having a fight right now, stop acting as if you are.  Lighten up.  Stop reading into your partner’s behaviors and assume the best rather than the worst.  Bring humor back into the relationship via jokes, comedy shows, pranks and playfulness.  Talk with your partner as though you were friends.  Talk as you did when you first fell in love.  Decide to not allow anything or anybody to squash the best part of you. 

When we bring our best selves back into the relationship, we feel more alive.  We’re also much more fun to live with.  Take a chance and dare to be you again.  You’ll feel better, and I’m betting that so will those around you.

CHALLENGE:  Take some time by yourself to see if you’ve lost a part of yourself throughout the years.  Ask yourself why and what you need to do about getting that part back.  Don’t excuse your changes by blaming them on your partner.   S/he does not have that much power.

Comments

[Don]

A great film I just watched showing the choice between resentment and compassion is "The Edge of Heaven". 2/3 of the movie are not in English and subtitled.

[Lissa]

Helpful things to remember indeed, and it is so easy sometimes to forget how important it is to remain present and keep paying attention. What is difficult is to discern between deciding or rather, understanding, when it is that you really want to find ways to bring back earlier pieces of yourself while remaining in the relationship, and when the relationship has actually come to an end. We so often fool ourselves one way or the other, it seems.

[Lori]

Wonderful post! I was 'dead' for a couple of years and then got tired of it. I started doing things I had interests in like golfing and scrapbooking. And most of all I started laughing again. My husband loves my reawakened self. I just had to learn that it wasn't up to him to wake me up, it was up to me.
I always tell people that depression is a powerful disease, very easily underestimated. But just start day by day making small changes and you can reawaken again too.