More and more couples are feeling the ripple effect of a struggling economy. Layoffs are a reality for many couples. Even those couples who currently have jobs are often fearful they won’t have them for long. Couples are struggling to get through these times without losing their homes, jobs or entire savings.
Not surprisingly, all these concerns can take a toll on relationships. Under increased stress, couples tend to fight more, have less patience with one another and can distance from one another if they’re not careful. Fear and anxiety can leave us all somewhat ragged if we don’t keep it in check. For those couples feeling the stress of the economy, here are a few tips to help you to stay centered and connected through the stress:
1. Remember that you’re a team. The reality is that what effects one of you, affects both of you. If you’re the one who is facing a layoff, remember that it is not just your issue. Talk to your partner about what’s going on so you can both put your heads together and address the issues as a team. When one partner tries to handle everything alone it creates distance between the couple. It also uses only half the resources available. If one partner is particularly anxious about the future, it’s helpful for the other partner to try to be more grounded. A little anxiety is fine, however it will not help your family if you are both feeding off one another’s anxiety. Someone needs to be the calm voice that says things will be okay. It’s okay if that role shifts back and forth—as long as that voice is somewhere in the equation.
2. Take blame off the table. Now is not the time to be blaming each other or being hyper-critical. Keep that critical voice quiet. Its fine to problem-solve or make suggestions, but watch that critical voice. If your partner has been unemployed for years—that’s a different story (and a different post). However, if your family’s struggling due to the economy or layoffs--stop the finger pointing. Now’s the time to have each other’s back, not stab each other in the back.
3. Face your worst fears rather than running from them or avoiding them. Our worst fears are often far worse than the probable reality. Look your fears in the eye and play them out in your imagination. If you’re worried you’ll be homeless, follow that through by asking yourself the following questions:
a. How likely is this fear to happen? (Could you sell your current home? Do you have family or friends you could stay with until you got back on your feet?)
b. If it does happen, what is the worst case scenario? (If you were homeless and had to live in a homeless shelter, would you manage?)
c. Is that scenario likely?
d. What would your options be? (Could you ask for financial help from family? Could you take a lower paying job until you found a better one?)
e. Are there any steps you need to take now to lessen the likelihood of this happening? (Cut your budget, prioritize your bills, send out resumes, network, etc.)
Answer these questions with your wisest voice, not the voice of anxiety. Both of you answering these together will provide a more balanced view.
We all need to remember to approach our problems with a unified front. We need to work as a team to help ease the load. When couples get this, their relationship can transform. Don’t get caught up in all the things that can go wrong. Look at the situation with a calm head and be creative with your options. Perhaps this layoff can lead you into a new field, an exciting opportunity or a new life path. Be open to the possibilities and remember to stay calm in the storm.
Challenge: If you and your partner are feeling the stress of the economy, remember to incorporate the tips above. Be a team, avoid blame and face your fears. Good luck!
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