Alcohol and Relationships: Do You Have a Drinking Problem?

Too many couples have a third party creating problems in their relationship.  That third party is alcohol.  When alcohol is a source of stress in a relationship, it is typically because one partner thinks the other partner either drinks too much or is no fun to be around when they drink.  The other partner, of course, does not think this is the case. 

For those of you who struggle with this issue in your own relationship, let me help you out.  Below are several warning signs that your drinking is, minimally, a problem and possibly alcohol abuse or alcoholism. 
•    You’ve ever been worried about your drinking and tried to stop or cut back as a result.
•    You’ve experienced blackouts due to drinking.
•    You become mean-spirited and nasty when you drink.
•    Your drinking has resulted in your missing work, losing your job or not being able to perform your job as expected.
•    Your partner, friends, children or co-workers have commented on your drinking.
•    Your drinking is a source of tension between you and your partner (and not because your partner is opposed to drinking).
•    You “have to” have a drink to calm down or relax.
•    You often drink to get buzzed or drunk.
•    You seldom, if ever, stop at just one drink.
•    You use alcohol to loosen up and give you social confidence.
•    You drink alone or hide your alcohol use.

There are several signs that your drinking has moved beyond social drinking to problem drinking, but the best indicator I know is:  if your drinking is creating problems in your relationship or your life—your drinking is a problem.  The problem is not your partner’s thinking it’s a problem. 

If you’re not sure whether or not you have a drinking problem -- chances are you drink too much.  If people in your life think you have a problem and you get defensive when they say this -- chances are you drink too much.  If either of these two circumstances is present and you have a family history of alcoholism -- you’re playing with fire.  If you don’t control it, you will get burned.

Alcoholism has an uncanny way of getting passed from one generation to the next.  If there is any question that your drinking is a problem, then deal with the issue NOW.  Stop the toxic legacy of addiction. You, your marriage and your children deserve to have a safe, sober environment in which to thrive.

CHALLENGE:  If alcohol is playing too big a role in your life, commit to take steps to get it under control.  If your drinking is in question, stop defending and start managing your drinking. If you can't manage it on your own get into AA and seek treatment form a substance abuse counselor. If your partner’s drinking is in question, be clear where you stand.  Don’t enable their drinking.  Get into Al-Anon to learn what you can do.  (Note: Resource with more info: http://tinyurl.com/6ltzet)

Comments

[cheating partners]

I'm not convinced about the 'any sensible person' argument, however. A lot of this depends on how much the media has influenced people's thinking in the past. Particularly when talking about 'discrimination by omission'. As an example think of the *types* of stories that are 'sent to print'. Eg there are countless stories about the gender pay gap.
(incidentally I am sure on a purely statistical basis they are correct: men on average earn more than women - what I dispute is the reasons for this)

[shisrlie]

I don't drink any more due to health reasons.. But my husband does. Beer only most of the time anymore, but I can't stand the personality changes, the rude and crude comments and the smell. How can I help him understand that this is harming our marriage...

Dear Shirlie: You can help him understand that this is harming your marriage by saying it straight. Tell him exactly how you feel, how it's impacting your marriage and what you're going to do if he doesn't stop. I recommend you get into Alanon to help you decide what you're next move is as well. Do not try to be nice or understanding about his drinking or he will not hear the message. Be direct, respectful and strong.
Good luck-Lisa