Are Men Attracted to Strong Women?
In my work over the past seventeen years, I’ve run across many types of women. I’ve seen the stereotypical “nice” woman, who does anything she can to please her man and take care of the family. I’ve worked with the over-the–top aggressive woman who’s determined to not take sh*t from anyone. And, I’ve worked with hundreds of women in between.
Here are some of the things I’ve notice throughout the years:
1. The “nice” women were often depressed, cheated on and so dependent on their husbands/lovers that they would take any kind of treatment in order to keep their man.
2. The over-the-top aggressive women often had passive-aggressive husbands who were miserable, but afraid to take the women on. Many husbands of these women came to see me individually to talk about what to do, how to leave or how to choose between their wives and their lovers, who were much less volatile and more loving.
3. The men involved with the “nice” women wanted their partners to be stronger. They did not like the level of dependency these women had on them, nor did they like that the women would mechanically do whatever the men said.
4. As the “nice” women got stronger, the men were more attracted to them—even though the women were voicing their upsets more and setting limits.
5. As the nice women grew stronger, they began to feel more confident and empowered. They were finally able to create the relationships they had always wanted.
Although I’ve known that women are more attractive when they own their space and worth, I’ve been surprised by the men’s direct reports of this fact. When women stand up for what they deserve, it is attractive, clear and a relief to the men who live with them. It is attractive, however, only when women use a centered strength—not an over-the-top aggression. If women step in with aggression, it feels the same as it does to women when men bully—bad.
I’ve had man after man report, in front of their partners, that when their partners get stronger, they find them more attractive. Several men have directly asked their partners to stand up to them by speaking their own minds. The men have also asked that the women not center their entire lives around them and the children. The women have been surprised to say the least.
Women need to realize we are equals. We then need to incorporate this belief into our thoughts and actions. Being an equal means you are loving to your partner while also holding him accountable. You do not accept the unacceptable because you then invite the unacceptable.
The only person who is capable of creating a loving, mutually cherishing relationship is you. You do that by adopting a centered, powerful strength that is neither over the top nor too weak. When you step in with this quiet, centered strength you will feel better and your relationships will get better. It’s sexy, attractive and intriguing to see a woman stand up for herself from a centered place. It’s also very empowering.
When you stand up the world steps up.
CHALLENGE: If you’ve been over-aggressive or too weak and accommodating, it’s time to get to the center. Know that you deserve to be treated well by all people at all times and so do the people in your life. Practice accountability. Be accountable on your end while holding others accountable as well—no matter who they are.
Don't play small. Don't play the bully. Be centered, relational and strong.