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July 02, 2010

Is This The Type of Thinking That Gives Men A Bad Name Or Do Men Really Think This Way?

A male reader just commented on my post titled "Are Men Attracted to Strong Women" and I was struck by his apparent disdain for women.  I thought that this is exactly the type of thinking that gives men a bad name but then I thought I would throw it out to my readers to see what you all think.  I would love to hear from both men and women on this one.  Is this a common attitude in men or is this the type of man that gives other men a bad name?  

Here's his comment:

"I don't really care if a woman is "strong" or not as long as she doesn't get on my nerves. I don't care if a woman is weak or not either, because when it comes to women - really, I only think sex. I'm not some new age guy wanting my "equal" partner. I'm not Feminist, I'm not Christian so i think "man is to love woman", I'm not a chivalrous tard - just primal when it comes to women. Raw and untamed. Wouldn't have it any other way. Why would i want a female partner? I'm sorry, but i couldn't count on a woman for anything. I'm sexually attracted to bitchy women and submissive women and anything in between. As far as "relationships" go, why bother? Women cheat MORE than men anymore according to stats and i have a bad temperament and betrayal is the worse thing ever, and she would be lucky if she could walk afterwards. Plus, I'm too independent to be caring whether or not some woman is mad at me for something silly."

CHALLENGE: Take the time to weigh in on this comment and share your thoughts.  Is this common thinking in your circles? What advice would you give to this reader? Thanks for taking the time!

(Note: I encourage everyone to be respectful with your comments)

Comments

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Lisa,

I am afraid that this sounds suspiciously like a troll. He seems to be consciously pushing hot buttons in an effort to incite reaction. I've had acquaintances whose ignorance of women remains unsurpassed, yet they would never respond in a public forum this way. They may objectify women simply as tools to sate their desires, but they are canny enough to not voice their feelings, let alone broadcast them. It takes a heightened level of idiocy and arrogance to publicly humiliate someone from whom you expect something. Your commenter also vacillates between total objectification and actually apologizing at one point; he can't keep his narrative straight. With the exception of a smattering of grammar that is usually absent, I think there is a strong chance he is simply baiting you.

On the other hand, "Raw and untamed. Wouldn't have it any other way." That there's funny, I don't care who ya' are.

This guy really needs our compassion, this is a loud cry for help/love.

I do think there are men out there like this. I see men who aren't interested in anything but sex. Yes, his anger may indicate some seriously deeper emotional issues, but to think that he is alone is naive.

Sad, but true. It's interesting he was reading this blog, but if it's on his Yahoo home page....maybe he'll learn something if he keeps reading. :)

Hmmmm, I have been a man most of my life (excluding the years spent as a a boy) and have met many men who have problems with women, who don't relate to them well, who are maybe too selfish to create a great relationship. I have never heard any man speak of women or relationships like this. I guess they are out there but luckily, my friends and acquaintances aren't among them. Probabilities would tell me that given that, MOST men do not feel this way. I concur with some of the other readers who say his issues go beyond his relationship with women.

It appears to me that this person is a perfect example of "you get what you give". What he's putting out into the world is exactly what he's experiencing. It IS the type of thinking that gives men a bad name - and these guys are definitely out there. But it sounds to me more like he's trying to protect himself from any kind of real emotion more than anything else...false bravado. Also it seems he's trying to stir up everyone else's emotion. In life I would personally steer clear of this one. There are too many men who aren't this broken to waste my time with one who is.

Lisa
I understand the reader's comment regarding the "false" tone in this man's letter. I don't think for a minute that Suzanne imagined that YOU sent it, only that whomever wrote it was playing with the concepts you wrote about strong women.

I bet there really are men like this. The blessing is that he's not interested in relationships. My hope is that women looking for real relationships will not be attracted to someone like him.

I bet there are women who see men more as sexual objects than someone with whom they wish to share their heart/life.

I wonder how this man came across your blog. It doesn't seem possible to me that he could have been searching for relational skills!

Thanks so much for your posts. I look forward to reading them, and find them most helpful.

The guy has deep rooted issues that go beyond 'women'. He has obviously suffered from lack of love and affection especially from childhood. He is angry in his spirit and needs help fast. This can never be the way men think 'cause I happen to be blessed with a father, two loving brothers, seven uncles, several cousins and a boyfriend. All of them respect and adore women.

This is disturbing ! I think this is an extreme attitude - not the norm, or perhaps I am lucky and have a partner who respects and encourages me to be stronger.

I believe that some men are afraid of strong women and just do not know how to deal effectively with them.

It is kind of scary though, that he suggested violence toward a women who cheats and name calls
(submissive & bitchy)

Wow! As someone who served in the military, travelled the world, and visited 30-plus countries in five continents, I have served with, met and befriended men from all walks of life. But never, in all my life, have I ever met someone who had as much contempt as this person would like us to believe.

He describes himself as "raw and untamed" which sounds like an excuse he hides behind and shield himself from some deep-rooted pain that was inflicted on him. (see comments about cheating and betrayal). I have seen men objectify women, men who physically abused women, and men who only used women to feed their egos, but never one who TRULY believed they had absolutely no use for women other than satisfy his sexual needs.

If your reader actually believed what he wrote, it's merely a copout to stay away from women and save himself from being hurt again. I don't see how someone who truly despised women as much as this guy says he does can be attracted, sexually or otherwise, to women.

I really think he believes what he says, He has no doubt been betrayed more than once and could no doubt use some help dealing with these feelings. I don't believe all men are like this, saying all men are just alike is like saying all women are just alike. Even though both male and female do have certian traits, it doesn't mean they are all just alike.

Just my thoughts.

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