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July 30, 2010

Stop Trying To Be Who You Think Men Want You To Be & Just Be Yourself

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I just heard another “relationship expert” telling women to learn to give men what they want.  Too many “experts” encourage women to play games, figure out what men want and then make sure they give it to them.  This is ludicrous advice and is the exact opposite of what women who want great relationships should be doing.

Stop listening to this crazy advice!

Listen up women:  If you want a loving relationship, you need to stop trying to be what you think men want you to be and instead dare to be the best YOU you can be. If you aren’t desperate to find love, be loved or have a romantic connection, what is it YOU want?  What is your ideal relationship?  Are you healthy enough to get that?  Are you healthy enough to know what you want?  Hint:  If you’re thinking you want to just fool around, have endless sexual trysts and get as many men as possible attracted to you—then you are not healthy—no matter how you rationalize these “wants.”

Too many of you are settling for relationships you should never be settling for.  Too many of you are working way too hard to “get” a man.  Trying to become what men want requires that you lose who you are.  Losing yourself in service to someone else is not serving you or your relationships.   


The bottom line is if you don’t think you’re a good catch, then no one else will.  If you don’t think you’re worthy—they won’t either.  If you continue to try to turn yourself into a pretzel to make them happy, you will make yourself miserable.  If you put the needs of men above your own…the men will do the same. 

Men are no greater than you and nor are they any less than you.  You are all the same—WE are all the same.  When you act as though what they want is more important than what you want, your actions tell them you think you are less than they.  As a result, men will treat you as such.  Stop trying to be who you think men want you to be and decide who you are.  Just be you.  Next, sit back and enjoy the calm of not trying to be who everyone else wants you to be.  Aaaah—can you feel it?

CHALLENGE:  Write down all the ways you try to be who others want you to be.  Figure out why you’re doing this behavior (fear, wanting to be liked, insecurity, etc.).  Pick one behavior to work on in every aspect of your life (e.g. stop saying what you think others want to hear).  Let us know what you notice.

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Oh, I so agree!!!! You have to be yourself in order to get the right relationship for you. If you start out pretending to be someone else and you end up marrying the guy, you will spend many unhappy years trying to be that person that you thought they wanted. Chances are good that one day you just won't be able to do it anymore and the relationship will end. You will blame him and he won't understand why you are not the person you pretended to be. Honesty in the beginning saves lots of problems later.

I truly believe that this goes both ways, Men or women. I know many men that try to give their wives everything they want and are miserable in trying to please them. It boils down to one being out right selfish. Relationships take two people to work them, not one.

If your in a relationship and your putting your partner low on your priority list, SHAME ON YOU!

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