When Your Partner Flirts or Ogles In Front Of You
I’ve had several couples struggle with wandering eyes of the men. Most of the men deny it and many of the women then begin to question themselves upon hearing his insistence that he’s doing nothing wrong. When it comes to men staring at, flirting with or paying attention to other women, I’ve heard all the excuses. Here are just a few:
• “I was just appreciating her beauty.”
• “What’s the big deal? You know I’m going home with you.”
• “I don’t stare—she’s just paranoid and overly jealous”.
• “I was just talking to her. She’s only a friend. I’m not going to give up my friends. This is your issue not mine.”
Regardless of whether you’re male, female, heterosexual or homosexual, flirting with, starting at or paying extra attention to someone you find attractive is disrespectful to the one you’re with. If you’re in a relationship with someone, it’s your job to treat that person well and show him/her you care about him/her. Checking out other men/women shows the exact opposite. It shows that you have no respect for the person you’re with and no respect for the person you’re ogling.
Particularly bad is when you do this with your partner’s friends! You’re not 15 years old anymore, with raging hormones and a desperate need to pump up your chest to any female/male in sight. Grow up and be respectful.
When men -- or women – have the need to constantly flirt, ogle others or get attention from others, it’s a sign they can’t be trusted and they don’t feel comfortable without the attention of others. This leaves them constantly looking for reassurance from people of the opposite sex (or same sex if homosexual) that they’re worthy. The sexual energy serves as a self-esteem pump, regulating how they feel about themselves. Every eye contact, returned flirtation or smile gives them a jolt to their self-esteem. People who struggle with this need flirt so much that half the time they’re not even aware they’re doing it. It becomes a way they walk in the world.
If you’re with a partner who stares or flirts with other attractive people in your presence, know that it is disrespectful and not okay. Do not question your gut when you hear them making up poor excuses for their behavior. There is no excuse for it; it’s rude.
If you’re the one flirting and constantly checking people out, know this is off. It’s not normal (for guys or girls). It’s often due to issues of self-esteem and love or sex addiction. Start reviewing when you do this and why, and get help if you need it. This behavior will destroy any relationship you’re in – if the other person is healthy.
CHALLENGE: If your partner struggles with a wandering eye, know you’re in trouble. Set limits on that behavior, trust your instincts and get professional help or a new partner if they refuse to change.
If you’re the person with the wandering eye—stop it. It’s disrespectful to your partner and the people you are ogling. It also makes you look bad. Do your work and figure out why you need this sexual energy jolt.