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6 posts from October 2010

October 29, 2010

You have been lied to! (By Michael Myerscough)

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NOTE to Readers: I’ve asked a colleague of mine, Michael Myerscough, to write a guest blog post on dating and relationships.  Michael is an expert on dating relationships and owner of The Relationship Gym, a website filled with dating tips and advice for both men and women.  Enjoy his post…
 
You have been lied to! (By Michael Myerscough)

When Lisa asked me to put together some blog posts around dating for grown-ups I thought I should start at the beginning. I run a course called Finding Mr Right. At some point during the classes or workshop I like to check out people’s understanding of what love really is. I do this by asking them what their favourite love stories, books or movies are. It’s a really useful exercise so I’d ask you to think about it right now. This isn’t just for people seeking dating advice, it’s also very helpful as relationship help because it could assist you to become a little more forgiving.

What are your five favourite love stories? No cheating by looking at my list, come up with your own.

Continue reading "You have been lied to! (By Michael Myerscough)" »

October 25, 2010

A Challenge To Our Country: If You Want A Better Country, Step Up


I have avoided putting my political beliefs into my blog as much as possible throughout the years.  I continue to do that today in terms of which party I support or don’t support.  This blog post is not about being a Democrat, Republican, Independent or Other -- it’s about basic humanity. 

I am shocked and amazed at the lengths people go to to defend one of their own.  Whether it’s:
•    A pro football player defending his buddy for raping a woman
•    An entire high school defending their star athlete for raping a girl
•    The wife of a basketball player defending her husband for raping another woman
•    A police sergeant defending a fellow officer for illegally strip searching a 14-year-old girl, while ignoring her cries
•    Or a United States Senator defending this sergeant, now a fellow party-member, for denying the illegal strip search ever happened

…It is shameful. 

If we want violence against women – including your mothers, wives, daughters, sisters and girlfriends -- to stop…then women AND men need to step up and stop it.  Stop blaming victims for speaking up.  Have the guts to do the right thing.  Men, in particular, need to step up.  I don’t care if the perpetrator is your best friend, your son, your political party’s candidate or your priest -- if they committed the crime, don’t you dare defend them for it. 

Continue reading "A Challenge To Our Country: If You Want A Better Country, Step Up " »

October 21, 2010

Basic Rules Of Engagement For The Workplace: Be The Co-worker You Wish You Were Working With

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This past week I’ve been preparing for a speech I’m giving for Zonta International regarding conflict in the workplace.  Not surprisingly, this preparation has led me to think quite a bit about work environments. In particular, I’ve been thinking about all the mean things co-workers are saying/doing and how much these behaviors are costing companies, families, communities and ultimately our world.

If you happen to be a person who is making snide comments, spreading rumors, sabotaging fellow employees or being mean spirited, then you might want to look at what’s making you feel so insecure that you need to tear others down…and yourself down in the process.

Below are rules of engagement for the workplace—follow them and hold others accountable for following them as well:
1.    Build co-workers up don’t tear them down.  When you tear down a colleague you harm your work environment; this leads to less productivity and financial loss.  In this economy, a reduction in productivity is the first step towards lay-offs –yours and your colleague’s.
2.    Be inclusive not exclusive.  If you’re having a team lunch—invite the team don’t exclude those less popular; you’re no longer in Junior High so make sure you’re not acting like you are.
3.    If you don’t have anything nice to say about a person…don’t say anything at all.  There is no reason to gossip about how someone dresses, looks, spends his/her time etc.  Pay attention to you and stop trying to get others to hate or make fun of them.  If you feel the need to bad mouth someone, look at what you’re jealous of, afraid of or threatened by; this is your issue not theirs.

Continue reading "Basic Rules Of Engagement For The Workplace: Be The Co-worker You Wish You Were Working With" »

October 14, 2010

Creating A New Relationship With Your Family Of Origin Now That You’re An Adult

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It’s amazing how easy it is for us to stay in the same family role we played when we were children.  Perhaps you were the peacemaker of the family and still find yourself trying to keep the peace among everyone.  Some people are the family scapegoat, forever seen as the troubled or irresponsible one.  Still others are the quiet ones, who just try to stay out of the line of fire. 

Regardless of the role we played years ago or how much we’ve changed since then, our families have an uncanny ability to pull us back into our old roles and patterns like no one else in our lives.  We could have been working on ourselves for years and then -- wham -- we see our families and we’re right back to being that little girl or boy again.

Part of this phenomenon happens because, no matter how much we’ve changed, we tend to act the same as we always did when we get back to our old home turf.  It’s as though we become that young child again – the one who has to throw a tantrum to be heard or has to silence to feel safe or…

Continue reading "Creating A New Relationship With Your Family Of Origin Now That You’re An Adult" »

October 10, 2010

Not Happy In Your Relationship? Talk About It


After working with hundreds of couples over the years, I continue to be surprised at how many people are oblivious to their partner’s unhappiness…until, that is, they are about to leave.

Too many couples come into my office following an affair, a blow up or a declaration by one partner that they are leaving the marriage.  The other partner is not only in shock and despair at this turn of events, but they are also blindsided.  They can’t believe their partner is “suddenly” leaving or had the audacity to have an affair.  The partner that cheated or is leaving is in shock that their partner is so shocked.

How does this happen?  It happens over many months, and even years.  Often the unhappy partner would throw disgruntled statements out in the heat of the moment or under their breath throughout the years.  The other partner would brush them aside, thinking they were just angry...but 100 disgruntlements later, the unhappy partner is done.

Seldom do I see couples where the unhappy partner has been direct and clear about their unhappiness.  More often than not, they pull away and find joy through others (children, affairs, friends).  Finally, they give up and decide they can’t stay in this relationship any more.

Continue reading "Not Happy In Your Relationship? Talk About It" »

October 01, 2010

The Talk at Straight Talk!

As we move into fall there's lots happening at Straight Talk. From innovative training programs to new product launches, there's something for everyone!
 
PRACTICUM I AND 1-DAY TRAINING FOR THERAPISTS
 
For the therapist looking for some additional training, The Level 1 Relational Life 2-Day Practicum™  provides the experienced clinician, who understands the basic theoretical framework and principals of the Relational Life Model, the chance to see and practice the essential techniques of this model. Only 2 weeks left to sign up for the Practicum 1 training in Boston! Practicum dates are October 15-16, 2010.

Short on time? Then the 1-day MEAMFT sponsored Relational Life Therapy with Couples workshop is the perfect solution! This workshop provides an overview of the 7 phases of treatment when using the Relational Life Therapy (RLT) Model. It also includes lectures and exercises to help you understand the basic structure of RLT, the nuances of the work, and the role of the therapist in this model.
 
NEW BLOG LAUNCH!
 
Also, we are excited to announce a new blog, Straightalk4women, dedicated to helping women stop struggling and settling in their relationships and to create relationships that fuel them.
 
NEW AUDIO SPEECH AVAILABLE: SMART WOMEN CREATING SMART RELATIONSHIPS
 
And, for anyone looking for sage advice on how to create smart relationships, my complete speech on Smart Women Creating Smart Relationships, being offered in its entirety for the very first time, is the ideal way to share and explore these principles with your loved ones.
 
I'm looking forward to working with you and seeing how far we can grow together. 
 
Don't forget to spread the word to family, friends and colleagues!
 
Lisa Merlo-Booth, M.A

http://www.relationalcoaching.com


http://lmerlobooth.typepad.com/straight_talk_4_women

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