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September 21, 2011

Getting Unstuck in Life and Relationships

IStock_0change2ll "Leap and the net shall appear." -- John Burroughs

Change is often scary.  In fact, it can be so scary that people feel paralyzed by the thought of it.  Even when things are going poorly in a person’s life and they know they need to take steps to change things, they can be rendered helpless.  The fear of changing feels too great.  What if they take the steps to change the situation and things get worse?  What if they aren’t strong enough, good enough or wise enough for this change?  What if others will be sad, angry or disappointed as a result of the change?  What if they make the wrong decision?  The what ifs can be countless and debilitating. 

The reality is that we seldom know where our decisions will take us or what the ripple effect of change will be.  What I do know, however, is that doing the same—will get me the same results.  This is true at work, in our friendships, romantic relationships and in our lives.  If we know we are unhappy in a situation, but fail to try to change it, then we will continue to be unhappy.

Getting unstuck requires that we take a different action.  I’ve seen too many people stay in toxic jobs for years, miserable relationships for decades and dead-end situations for lifetimes.  These people get stuck in the what ifs, in their fears and in their undying hope for change.  They lose sight of the here and now and instead get trapped wishing for guarantees.  They want to know for certain that if they take the step it will be the right one.  They want assurance that taking the step will lead to a new and brighter tomorrow.

Unfortunately there are few guarantees in life.  All we know is that we live and someday we will die.  What happens in between is a mix of good, bad and in-between.  Often, making a change requires courage and a leap of faith.  Although we may not know what the end result will be, we can trust that taking a step -- in any direction -- is necessary to get us unstuck. We can be sure that doing nothing will keep us in the same position tomorrow as today and yesterday.

Change is a necessary step in life.  Take control of your destiny rather than idly sitting by, waiting and hoping for things to change.  Things will be different when you make them different.  Stop worrying about the what ifs and instead start thinking why not?!  Why not take that new job?  Why not move and start fresh?  Why not end this toxic relationship once and for all?  Why not stand up for yourself in an entirely different way?

Why not leap…and watch the net appear?

Change is scary, without a doubt.  Change is also freeing, exciting and powerful.  Start taking control of your life and stepping out in a bold new way.  You’re likely to be pleasantly surprised by the results…and if not—take newer steps.  That’s the beauty about change—you can always change things again ;-).

Challenge: Make a list of all the areas in which you feel stuck and ask yourself what’s keeping you there.  Begin to ask yourself why not rather than what if?  Notice what shifts for you.


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Dear Jolene: You are very welcome. Sending you lots of positive energy to help propel you forward. You can do it!
Warm Regards-Lisa

This article is so directly poignant to my circumstances that it made me cry. I have printed this and will read it often in an effort to FINALLY move forward. Thank you for this!

How can I print out one of your blogs without getting all of the other comments and ads and such. There use to be a way to do that and now I can't find it. Please help as I love to share your blogs with my clients without wasting all of the ink and paper of printing more than is wanted.Thanks.

Dear Vicki: You should be able to just copy and paste it to Windows and then save it as a Windows file. Let me know if that works.

I loved reading this as it described what I have done in the past three years. I divorced, moved, and got a new job. It wasn't easy, there's a lot of hard work between the article's lines but just like the author says, make the changes and notice what shifts for you!

Several years ago I was really stuck until change was FORCED on me by someone else in my life--I staarted with small steps and found the changes to be wonderful! I found strengths I forgot I had! I have really enjoyed the changes in my life--even the bad results, as I have learned so much about me. My last relationship just ended 4 months ago when the man I finally found true and real love with, died of cancer. I remembered one of the things I learned in my journey of change--God puts us where we are supposed to be. For that I am so grateful! Change is always and being open to it is the answer. The reults are awesome!

Thanks for the post! I am currently going through a big change. My fiance and I have been together for 6 years and we finally broke it off. I'm trying to keep together but it's so hard.

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