« Learn To Say “No” | Main | Do No Harm: A Silly Platitude or a Much-Needed Guideline? »

August 21, 2012

Dating Advice For Those Looking For A Life Partner

IStock_0happycouplellThere are many reasons people date --  for occasional company, to see what’s out there ,to have a little fun, to meet new people, etc.  Some women, though, are dating to find a good guy with whom to share their life.

For those of you looking for someone to share your life with, the rules of dating are different.  If you play by the “fun” rules, but you’re looking for “serious,” you’re likely to be disappointed…at best.  Know what your dating goal is and then be smart about your actions.

Below are several rules for those looking for a more lasting relationship.  Don’t skimp on these rules or you’re likely to pay the price down the road.  Remember that great relationships start at the first hello.
1.    Be the chooser, NOT the choosee.  Be yourself, not whom you think your date wants you to be.  Too many women dress as they think they should, speak as they believe the other person wants them to speak and share what they believe the other person wants to hear.  This is a recipe for disaster if you’re looking for a lasting relationship.  It’s way too hard to keep up that charade for the rest of your life, so don’t set it up.  Be yourself and trust that you will attract the partner who is right for you.
2.    Be honest, not deceptive.  Don’t answer questions in a way that is deceptive.  Be honest in your answers, even if you think your answer is not what the other person wants to hear.  I’ve worked with women who told men they wanted children because they knew that was important to the men, even though they actually had no interest in having children.  They figured if they could get the man to fall in love with them, then the children wouldn’t be that important.  Are you kidding me?  That is deceptive and not fair.  If you expect honesty from the people in your life, then you owe them the same courtesy.  Be honest and let the chips fall where they may. 


3.    Be exclusive before being sexual.  Far too many women are sleeping with men either to avoid losing them or in an attempt to hook them in.  Please, if you have to sleep with a man in order to get him…you will never have him, nor should you want him.  If a man truly cares about you, he is not going to run because you won’t have sex.  If he does run, you’re better off without him—he is certainly not a long-term partner.  Many men don’t like the idea that the women they’re with are easy to get into bed, anyway.  They don’t mind it if they’re just out to have fun, but if it’s a life partner they want, sex too soon is a turnoff.  Really.  Ask the men in your life—they’ll tell you.
4.    Address red flags, don’t ignore them.  Don’t be in such a hurry to find a life partner that you ignore the glaring red flags right in front of you (i.e. unavailable, workaholic, drinker, previous affairs, lies, flirts in front of you).  See the signs, address them and move on if necessary.  You will thank yourself later.
5.    Be sober, not drunk/high.  Start your dates off right and don’t get hammered every time you’re on a date.  Keep your wits about you.  Notice, as well, if your date is always drinking, drugging, partying and a little buzzed.  Addiction and long-term relationships don’t go well together.  Avoid that nightmare from the start.  Be willing to walk away if the drinks/drugs are flowing too easily and too often.

If you want to find a life partner, be mindful of how you date.  The way you enter a relationship greatly influences the future of that relationship.  Be real, take things slowly and be willing to wait for the right person to come along rather than molding yourself into someone you think Joe Shmoe wants you to be.

Challenge: Follow the rules above and see which ones are more difficult than the others.  Focus on those and be mindful of how you date.  Good luck!

Comments

Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

I loved the post!

It's true, you have to know what your dating goal is before you ever enter the dating game.

Many times the hardest part of finding a life partner is being honest in what you have to offer before expecting something from the other party.

And as for great relationships starting at hello, I recently published a dating guide for modern-day women based upon my years working with clients in this area.

The first hello, the first date, and everything else should be in alignment with your end goal.

Sasha

I am single, and I really find it hard to find someone to fill the emptiness here in my heart. I thought I could never be able to find someone. I will really take your advice and hopefully I’d be able to find someone to love for the rest of my life.

Totally agree with you that if your date only looks for fun better leave him as soon you find out his real purpose and always respect yourselves because no one will understand and love you more than yourselves.

The comments to this entry are closed.

TrackBack

TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.typepad.com/services/trackback/6a00d8341cc5df53ef017744420b23970d

Listed below are links to weblogs that reference Dating Advice For Those Looking For A Life Partner:

Connect with Lisa

Icon Email

Icon Twitter

Icon Facebook

Icon Linkedin

Icon YouTube

Icon Blog Feed

Subscribe to Straight Talk 4 Women

Enter your email address to receive
updates every time I post


Powered by FeedBlitz

Listen to Podcasts

Purchase Products

Attend an Event

Training for Therapists