4 posts from November 2012

November 28, 2012

If You Want Something, Make It Happen

IStock_0change2llWe are bombarded with messages about creating a great life, having what we want, making our dreams come true and on and on.  These messages often leave us wanting for more.  We want “rockin’ relationships,” amazing kids, meaningful jobs and satisfying lives.  When we don’t have these things, we have a tendency to blame external factors. 

Until each of us learns to stand behind the light within us, we run the risk of forever wanting more.  It’s time to stop wanting and instead start creating.

If we want something, then it is up to us to own it, stand behind it and believe in ourselves in order to make that want a reality.  Rockin’ relationships don’t happen if we’re not strong enough to stand behind that desire.  They don’t happen if we want so badly to be loved that we accept crumbs and pretend the crumbs are a birthday cake.  Great relationships don’t happen if we can’t ask for our needs and wants, choose to accept the unacceptable or become so over the top in our pursuit of respectful treatment that we become disrespectful ourselves.  Rockin’ relationships, great jobs and amazing kids happen when we have the courage to do what is necessary to create these things. 

We create our destiny.  It’s time we stopped wishing, wanting and hoping for more and instead start taking action.  If we want a better relationship, we start by changing ourselves rather than complaining about our partner.  If we’re tired of that mean-spirited colleague, we have to stop pretending they’re okay.  If we want a better job, we may have to risk losing the one we have.  Creating change always starts with the self -- the only person we have control of.  Change starts with a choice and a commitment to engage in countless actions strung together in such a way that they produce results. 

Stop wishing and start acting.  Change starts and ends with you.

Challenge: What is the one thing you are complaining about most in your life?  What would happen if you decided to stop complaining and instead chose to take steps to change things?  Choose one step and take it today. 

November 20, 2012

Gratitude during Thanksgiving and all the Year Through

IStock_0grounded womanll(2)This Thanksgiving is reminding me more than ever about, the importance of gratitude. In view of, countries at war, families in economic strife, the increase in sex-addiction in most of the therapeutic offices of my colleagues and the upheaval and damage that Hurricane Sandy has caused the Northeast, countless people are suffering. These struggles are a reminder for me that I personally have a lot to be thankful for. 

Many of us can easily get lost in the everyday angst of minor problems, daily stresses and overwhelm. We can get stuck focusing on all the things that aren’t going well, could be going better or that are stressing us out. The problem though with focusing on all the negative things is that they can then begin to weigh us down. The more we complain, the more we seem to have to complain about. The more we focus on the negative, the less positive appears to be showing up in our lives. And the more we are certain that nothing goes right, the less things go right. It’s almost like karma.

Continue reading "Gratitude during Thanksgiving and all the Year Through" »

November 12, 2012

Mean Girls at the Office: Your Silence is Acceptance.

IStock_00contemptllI was recently reading a book about how to handle mean girls at work. Much of the advice in this book was about how to placate, ignore and avoid upsetting these women (who were co-workers, not bosses). When all of the above failed, the book recommended handling your upset by going for a walk or exercising. I couldn’t believe it. I have to say I have not felt so angry at a book in a long time. I found myself writing such comments in the margins as: “Are you kidding me?” “Yuck -- this is more silencing!!!” “Conflict-avoidant.”  After a few pages of my responses I had to laugh at myself and show my husband my little rants. However, I wasn’t laughing at the content and advice in this book. I’m aware that countless women will be reading this book and trying to incorporate the author’s advice into their lives and I know they won’t end up feeling better about themselves.

This post is an attempt to get a different voice out to these women, because, frankly, another book telling women to silently accept mean-spirited behavior may just lead me to pull my hair out.

First off, when you are faced with a “mean girl” at the office, your first move needs to be to get grounded. Before you respond in any way, take a deep breath and remind yourself that this is about her, not about you. Even if there is truth in what she’s saying to you (i.e. you did make a mistake), you have to know that being cruel, shaming or mean-spirited is not an okay way to handle things. So, while the mistake may have been your fault, her mean put-you-in-your-place response is 100% about her. Know this, live this and be comforted by this. Hold yourself in warm regard despite your mistake and do not for a moment allow this woman to get you to think less of yourself.

Continue reading "Mean Girls at the Office: Your Silence is Acceptance." »

November 06, 2012

Politics: Please Leave the Attacks and Contempt Out of the Conversation

IStock_00optionsllThe elections are finally here. The next President of the United States will be named within the next 48 hours and our nation will have spoken. This election has been an extremely close race, with strong feelings coming from all sides (Democrats, Republicans, Independents and everyone in between). I have no doubt that tomorrow these strong emotions will also be prevalent. Hopefully the adults throughout our nation will make an effort to share their emotions responsibly by protecting, with their words and actions, the dignity of all involved. To date, many adults have sadly failed in this regard.

I’m a firm believer in men and women alike finding their voices and speaking up for what they believe. In fact, much of my work centers on helping women find their voice. I am not a believer, however, in bashing others in the process. I’m well aware that not everyone agrees with this thinking. The political commentator Ann Coulter,recently gave an interview regarding her use of the word “retard” in relation to President Obama  ( It is a stunning interview that highlights the phenomenon of grandiosity in action. Ms. Coulter’s insistence that it is okay to call someone a retard, moron, imbecile or loser speaks to a sad state of affairs in our country today. Too many people believe that their beliefs, feelings or outrage justify their abuse and contempt of others. They blame their toxic response on the other person’s behavior, views or actions and don’t for a moment look at their own actions.

Continue reading "Politics: Please Leave the Attacks and Contempt Out of the Conversation" »

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