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December 12, 2013

Stop Obsessing and Let it Go

IStock_000002084023_ExtraSmallSometimes people can throw you a curve ball. They can do something so hurtful that it knocks you off your feet and sends you reeling. And, without doubt, these events can rock you to your core. They can leave you obsessing about them, raging about them and scratching your head trying to explain them. Sometimes, though, there is no explanation. There is no justification, rationalization or understanding about why. Sometimes there is no helpful closure or any closure at all. More often than not, closure comes only from letting go. 

The more you think about what was done, obsess about it and complain about it, the more you keep it in your life.  Continually talking about a hurt someone caused you will not help you heal. In fact, the more you keep the story alive, the more your pain, anger and upset will last.  Obsessing about the person, issue or pain will not make the pain go away. It will not make the hurtful act any less hurtful. And it will not help you.

Regardless of whether the issue is someone cheating on you, lying to you or gossiping about you...learn to let it go. Don't allow this person to cause any more drain on your life than they already have. If the person has acknowledged what they did and tried to repair the harm they caused, then be thankful they are accountable and move forward. If the person wasn't accountable at all, then move on and don't look back. Whichever the case may be, stop giving this person or event so much power over you. Know that people make mistakes and do hurtful things for all sorts of reasons--many of which have nothing to do with you. Stop wringing your hands, wondering why or how they could've done what they did. Stop telling the world how badly this person hurt you. Stop staying up at night plotting revenge or feeling sorry for yourself. Just...STOP. Move on for your sake.

When you keep the story alive you give the other person too much power. Don't give them so much power. Take the high road instead. Speak your truth directly to the person, hold them accountable for their actions and let go. Don't hold onto the anger. Don't allow it to impact your life anymore than it already has. Spend your energy instead on acceptance and forgiveness. Accept that this has happened. Accept that it has hurt you. Work to forgive the person. Know that forgiving doesn't mean forgetting or condoning what they did. It means removing your anger about it and not allowing it to eat at you every day. Your anger, and obsessing over what they did hurts you not them. Let it go, wish them well and move on. Don't allow this person or issue to take up one more moment of your life than they or it already has. 

Challenge: Work forgiveness in your life. Let go of past hurts for your sake. Stop keeping painful events alive by constantly rehashing them, condemning the other person to anyone who will listen or being forever bitter. Love yourself enough to move on.

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