Straight Talk On Relationships

RELATIONSHIPS AND THE LIES WE TELL OURSELVES—AND OUR FRIENDS: SOMETIMES THE TRUTH IS THAT HE REALLY ISN’T THAT INTO YOU

I just watched the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You” and thought so many of the messages were incredibly accurate.  It was funny to hear all the excuses women give each other to explain men’s behavior.  It was also sad to see and hear what we do and say to one another in an effort to save our friends’ feelings.

Women have a need to not hurt another’s feelings.  We also often have a need to be liked.  These two needs can be deadly in dating relationships.  Our need to be liked keeps us clinging to men who have no interest in a serious relationship.  We ignore all the signs that tell us he’s not interested and then our friends encourage us to ignore them as well (we do the same to our friends by the way).

Common lies we tell each other:

• Maybe he lost your number.
• I’m sure he’s just busy; he really works hard and doesn’t go out much.
• He’s probably just shy.  Why don’t you just call him?

What are we doing?  This is NOT helping women.  We need to stop worrying about hurting each other’s feelings and start being determined to help each other.  Sometimes the best gift we can give our friends is the truth.  We can speak the truth with love AND we have to speak it. 

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS START AT THE FIRST HELLO

When Sally first started dating Dan she was enthralled.  He was incredibly handsome, very successful and the life of the party.  She loved his sense of humor and his ability to get along with anyone. 

She also hated that he was the life of the party and his ability to get along with anyone -- especially other women.

Sally couldn’t believe Dan liked her and she was determined to do whatever she needed to do to keep him liking her.  This meant that she would not speak to him about the things that bothered her -- his drinking and flirting.  Although she didn’t like that he flirted with everyone in his vicinity, she knew he was going home with her.  She also figured that he would outgrow his partying ways, so she didn’t mention his drinking either.

WOMEN & DATING: TIPS FOR FINDING THE RIGHT GUY

 

After working with hundreds of women throughout the years, I can safely say that women settle for poor relationships all the time.  This settling often starts during the early stages of dating and expands from there.  Therefore, I’m writing this post in an effort to help women stop settling and get off to a great, versus wobbly, start in their relationships.

 

If you’re a woman looking to find a lasting, healthy relationship with a great, relational man, then commit to changing the way you date.  Ignore much of the traditional advice about dating, such as:  be coy, keep them guessing, play hard to get, focus on them, etc.  If you’re serious about finding someone to have a future with, stop playing games and get real.  Below are five tips to help you find a great potential life partner.

 

• Switch from being the “choosee” to being the chooser.  Too many women go into dating hoping the man will like them.  You need to be clear with yourself that you’re the one deciding if you like him.  Stop trying to bend yourself backwards to try to be attractive to him.  Know that you’re trying to figure out if he’s a good fit for you.  Pretend you’re an employer trying to hire the best person for the job.  Check their credentials, make sure they meet all the job requirements, be certain they have good social skills (treat you with respect, ask about you, listen, etc.) and don’t settle for less than you’re looking for.