Straight Talk On Relationships

RELATIONSHIP POWER PACK: ADDING A LITTLE TENDERNESS TO YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

I’m very excited to announce the arrival of my new Couples Power Pack and my new Parents Power Pack! These three-in-one card deck packs consist of Tender Sprinkles, Tender Coupons, and Relationship Cornerstone cards.  These are great tools for adding a little spark to your romantic relationships and a little connection and fun to your relationships with children. You can use them for yourself or give them away as gifts to your family and friends.

Below are brief descriptions of each card set followed by one suggestion on how to use the cards in your
relationships. Feel free to contact me with any questions, suggestions, or feedback at

l.merlobooth@charter.net.

Until then, buy a pack today and add a little tenderness to your relationships!

RELATIONSHIP SKILL: HEALTHY SELF-ESTEEM FROM THE EYES OF A CHILD

Pia Mellody stresses the importance of healthy self-esteem in all relationships; without it we are often relationally lost. I also have learned, through both personal and professional experience, the power of healthy self-esteem. Subsequently, I’m continually trying to teach my children how to practice healthy self-esteem.

So, in my effort to teach my children about this all important skill, I asked them if I could run some work stuff by them and if they would help me put it in kid language. They were too happy to oblige.

I explained the concept of inherent worth and stressed that everyone in the world is equal to everyone else...no matter what. I was clear to point out that Tom Brady is no more worthy than my son, daughter, or anyone else; nor is the President of the United States, Maya Angelou, or John Mayer.

I further explained that there is nothing anyone has to do to earn his/her worth; we are all worthy just because we are alive and breathing. Girls are equal to boys; boys are equal to girls; adults are equal to kids and kids are equal to adults…period.

RELATIONSHIP SKILLS WORKSHOP

For those individuals and couples who would like to learn powerful relationship skills and subsequently, ramp thier relationships up a notch, I strongly recommend The Relational Life Institute's three-day skills workshop. This is a great workshop for people to hone thier relationship skills, increase the intimacy in thier relationships, and to experience the power of being in a healthy, relational sub-culture for three days.

This is a great workshop that produces results. If you're looking for help with your relationships, check out the flyer below. The next skills workshop is March 28-30 and there is limited space available so if you're interested, call now.

FLYER:

During this dynamic workshop, Terry Real, LICSW teaches individuals and couples a set of core techniques to reawaken truthful, passionate connection to oneself and others. Participants will learn FIVE CORE SELF-SKILLS: Self-Esteem; Owning your Reality; Boundaries; Inter-dependency; and Moderation. Then, a parallel set of FIVE CORE RELATIONSHIP SKILLS: Relational Esteem; Telling the Truth with Skill and Love; Responding Constructively; Negotiating with Wisdom; and Relational Integrity. Terry will also introduce his material on the 5 Losing Strategies in relationship and how to work with your partner’s Core Negative Image. Terry will conduct all large group work and RRI staff will facilitate small group exercises and homework. This workshop is approximately 70% didactic learning and 30% experiential. Handouts will be given; the workshop manuals will be available for purchase.

Course Objectives: To give women the tools of relational empowerment and men the tools of relational reawakening, so that women can be lovingly assertive and men can learn to open up and show up. For couples: To clean up their relationships and reclaim the passion and love that first brought them together. What will be covered in the Workshop:

How to identify your characteristic “stance” in relationship
Tracing the origins of that stance
Understanding your “vicious cycle”
How to break out – moving up from shame and down from grandiosity
How to live in the truth with one another
How to move past the shame/blame game into personal responsibility
What real relationships look like – from myth to health

Understanding your Losing Strategies and Core Negative Image and how they impact relationship
Location: Hawthorne Suites telephone: 781-643-7258 ($119/night room rate available for workshop participants-you must mention Terry Real workshop to get the discount!)

Cost: Couples $1500 and Individuals $800

BOUNDARIES (PART II)

A few posts ago I wrote about the protective aspect of boundaries. The second part of your boundary is the containing part. Your containing boundary helps to contain your reactions and responses to people and situations. Its key job is to protect others and the world from you.

The containing part of your boundary is the part that keeps your stuff in. It helps you to handle your anger, frustration, and negative intensity in a relational way. It keeps you from harming another individual with your words, actions, energy or threats.

When we become angry, our containing boundary serves as a beacon for us to proceed with caution. It lets us know when we are about to cross the line and it pulls us back…if it’s a healthy containing boundary. If we do not have a healthy containing boundary then we are likely to be uncontained and subsequently violate other peoples’ boundaries.

If we call someone names, shame, ridicule, swear or yell at them, we are violating their boundaries. Telling someone what they are or are not thinking or feeling is also a boundary violation. It is not our place to decide what someone is truly thinking or feeling. Although we may think we know, we are not in that person’s head. We can only assume at best. In addition if we break promises, lie to, or put our hands on another person in anger, we are also violating their boundaries.

BOUNDARIES IN RELATIONSHIPS (Part I)

BOUNDARIES IN RELATIONSHIPS (Part I)
I believe the two most pivotal skills for being in healthy relationships are boundaries and self-esteem. They are the foundation from which everything else flourishes. This post is going to address boundaries. Because boundaries are complex and so pivotal, beware that this is a longer-than-usual post…

Okay, so what are boundaries? Boundaries are a system of protection. They are meant to protect us as well as those around us. I like to see them as an imaginary bubble we encapsulate ourselves in. This bubble is strong enough to keep harmful comments, energies, insults, etc., out, yet permeable enough to allow constructive criticism, authentic feedback, and kind comments in.

We are the controllers of our boundaries. We decide what we allow in and what we keep out. The way we determine what comes in, is if it’s true or not. We ask ourselves, “Is this true for me? Is this something I need to take in and look at?” If the answer is yes, then we let it in. If the answer is no, then we simply let the comment bounce off our bubble (boundary) and move on.