Straight Talk On Relationships

ADDICTIONS AND RELATIONSHIPS

Addiction is toxic to families.  Regardless of which family member is the addict, all family members suffer.  Once a family member is under the grip of addiction, the entire family’s life gets turned upside down.  Regardless of what the addiction is (i.e. alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, etc.) it’s an incredibly painful situation to watch and to live in.

The change in moods, erratic behavior, and lies are particularly hard on families.  People can’t believe their loved ones would lie straight to their face. They can’t believe that s/he won’t just wake up one day and realize they are going down the wrong path and just change back.  They want to believe more than anything that their loved one will get it and go back to who and how they used to be…and so they wait…and they trust…and they wait…and they trust…and they…get burned.

If I could give families one piece of advice on addiction it would this:  DO NOT WAIT.  Get them into treatment as early as possible and with the best, most reputable addictions specialist as possible.  Do not play with fire; addiction will intensify in the blink of an eye.  If you’re premature, there’s no harm done; if you’re slow to act, you’re looking at a possible lifetime of fighting an uphill battle.  

MODERATION WITH CELEBRATIONS: THE IMPACT OF ALCOHOL IN RELATIONSHIPS

The Fourth of July has finally arrived. As a result, there are parties abound; days off work, family gatherings, fireworks flying, delightful foods, and of course…alcohol flowing.

As with many holidays, this seems to be the common mix for celebrations. Often, this mix can lead to a great deal of connection and fun—an opportunity for families to connect without having the weight of work on their shoulders. When done in moderation, celebrations are a great respite for many couples and families. When celebrations are not done in moderation however, they can be a recipe for disaster.

In my experience, a key culprit to tipping the tables from fun to disaster is…alcohol. It’s important to remember that alcohol lowers inhibitions. This means that some people will become more gregarious, while others will become more obnoxious, mean-spirited, and/or difficult. Either way, this often leads to many difficulties between partners (and others).

IS ALCOHOL IMPACTING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS?

IS ALCOHOL IMPACTING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS?
Many couples seem to be dealing with a third party in their relationships…alcohol. One partner typically comes home from work and makes him/herself a drink to help “wind down” from a stressful day. It’s not uncommon for the person to drink two to three drinks, three to four nights a week. If there’s a party or an event on the weekend, they drink more.

This pattern can, and often does, go on for many months or even years.

Gradually the atmosphere in the home begins to change. The conversations seem to slow down, the interactions begin to center around what needs to get done rather than how each person’s day was, and the energy in the house becomes tenser. In some households, the person who has a few drinks becomes short, impatient, and irritating to be around. The rest of the family distances more.

When I work with couples in this pattern, often one partner is worried about the impact the alcohol is having in their relationship and the other partner is not. Guess who’s worried and who isn’t. You got it… the one not drinking is worried, and the one drinking is often certain their drinking isn’t a problem. The drinking partner will often say the alcohol isn’t impacting the relationship; it’s their partner harping on them about the alcohol that’s impacting the relationship.