Get Quiet And Listen…To You

I’m often struck by how many things I’ve felt so strongly about one moment yet so unsure of the next.  My doubt can take root in response to a differing opinion, a disagreeing eye, a new piece of information, a fearful thought, an anticipated rejection and on and on.  The reality is that it takes a significant strength to be able to stand behind a belief or decision in spite of opposing views.

I believe many people struggle with this vacillation.  I suppose that’s why peer pressure can be so difficult to go against.  The views of the masses become the view of the individual—all too often.  Women and children in particular have this problem.  Historically, women are about connection and children are constantly in a race to fit in.  We want to feel close to others, be accepted by others and be liked by others.  If we dare to step outside the norm in our thoughts, behaviors or even our successes, this acceptance is at risk.  Rather than upsetting others or risking our own acceptance, we go along to get along, rethinking our decisions or questioning our instincts.

Doubting ourselves because someone else thinks differently is not helpful.  It’s one thing to question yourself because you’re not sure you have all the information, you’re in new territory or there are several equally good choices.  Questioning under these circumstances is being wise.  It’s an entirely different thing to doubt yourself because of differing opinions or wanting to be accepted.  Questioning under these circumstances is about self-doubt.  Self-doubt will do nothing but hold you back.  In general, it will stop us women from hitting our stride.  When we allow the views of others to cloud our own, we are doing ourselves a disservice.

It’s important that women learn to listen to their instincts, know what they think and why and have the courage to speak and stand behind their choices.  We can have this courage by believing in ourselves, getting quiet and tuning in and by daring to trust that we are capable human beings with much to offer.  Only when we’re clear that we are capable will we be truly able to tune in and own our thoughts, ideas and decisions.

Being clear about our beliefs and decisions does not mean being stubborn, rigid or self-righteous.  When we take the time to get clarity about our beliefs, there’s no need to force them on others.  One person’s right choice is often another person’s wrong choice.  This difference is neither good nor bad—it just is.  Focus on what’s the best choice for you given the information you have.  Take other people’s judgments, criticisms and opinions out of the equation while you get quiet and tune into yours.  Once you have clarity, trust yourself.  Stand behind your decision, not with rigidity and stubbornness, but with faith that you did due diligence and made the best decision given the information you had.  Should you get new information, tune in again and have the courage to listen to how that new information changes things—if at all.

There’s no problem with doubting your decisions when you doubt for the right reasons. The problem lies in doubting yourself for the wrong reasons.  Doubting yourself for the wrong reasons gives other people more credibility and respect than you give yourself.  Why would you do that?  Don’t assume others know the best decision for you.  They don’t have to live your life.  They don’t have to live with your decisions.  You do. 

Challenge: Start cultivating your instincts and decision-making ability.  When you have an issue—tune in to yourself and get clear about what you believe.  Start asking yourself this question about a wide variety of issues.  What do you think about: Politics? Abortion?  Religion?  The US Women’s World Cup win against Mexico?  Eating junk food?  Never eating junk food?  Take time to tune into what YOU think.  Your thoughts are valuable—tune in.