April 12, 2006


“Changing me, changes we” is a strong conviction I have. I believe that we, as a society, have become so skilled at pointing the finger at others that we have become blind to ourselves. We don’t realize that changing ourselves is the only way to open the door to healthy relationships. Instead we will go down kicking and screaming about our partner’s screw-ups, all the while we excuse our own.

I believe that change starts with me and goes out from there. In other words, "Changing me, changes we". This means the healthier I become, the healthier those around me will become - - either of their own choosing or of mine. If the people in my life don’t choose to become healthier with me, I will choose to be around healthier people. Either way my life improves in the long run.

Okay so no rocket science here, but I can’t tell you how many people will fight this tooth and nail. Every day I hear comments like: “I’m only like this with her, if she weren’t so emotional, I wouldn’t act the way I do”; “He’s so irresponsible, I can’t help but to complain; “If he would stop groping me, I wouldn’t be so cold”; “If she would stop nagging, I would be home more”. All of these are ways we deflect the responsibility we have in creating healthier relationships. They are also ways we keep our relationships stuck.

“Changing me, changes we” is relevant in every relationship we are in. Changing me changes my children, my friendships, and my romantic relationship. Although I’d love to change my partner…it doesn’t work; changing me does.

Challenge: I realize many people will fight me on this and I’m open to feedback, however before people tell me how untrue this is, I have one request: First focus on one thing you can change - - change it - - and then tell me what you noticed.


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Good advise! Its all about Personal Responsibility, something that our society has put aside.

I definitely won't fight you on this one, Lisa!

When I "exercise" my personal accountability, I never regret it.

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