HAVE INTEGRITY IN YOUR ACTIONS (CORNERSTONE 7)

Integrity requires that you live your values moment to moment; not just speak them. If you can’t act upon your words, then don’t say them.

I believe acting with integrity means acting with honor and authenticity. Acting with honor requires that we do the right thing even when it is the most difficult move we can make. Acting with authenticity is respectfully speaking your truth even when it may be hard for someone to hear or for you to say.

Judging what the “right” thing is requires putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes and making a decision from that place; what would you want someone to do if you were in that same situation? I’ve witnessed, read, and heard about many hurtful incidents over the years and what often bothers me the most is the inaction of bystanders…on top of the brutality. I was at a concert many years ago and I remember a guy hitting his girlfriend in front of a crowd of people. I was furious. I looked around to see no one was doing anything and I walked right towards him in a huff. Miraculously he stopped hitting and yelling at his girlfriend, stared at me and yelled “What?” I was a bit startled (since I was running on adrenalin, I hadn’t thought about what I was actually going to do when I got there), so I said something like, “Nothing!” I just slowly walked away, eyeing them the whole time.

All I cared about in that moment was that this guy stopped hitting his girlfriend. I was very relieved when he did--even though he then brought his energy towards me. After I walked away, however, I realized how angry I was that nobody else did anything. There were hundreds of people around and many of them were men. Not one of them did a thing until I walked up, at which point all eyes turned to watch the situation.

Helping does not mean putting your life at risk; it means doing something. Call the police, make a loud noise, gather friends, throw something, take down a license plate number--do anything. Don’t do nothing. I know that if someone was hurting me in a crowd of people, I would want someone--with every fiber of my being --to help. If I want others to help me, then I must be willing to help others…even when that is a difficult thing to do.

The belief that we should stay out of other people’s business or that it’s dumb to help because it puts yourself at risk is a dangerous belief. We can often help and keep ourselves safe at the same time. Doing nothing teaches offenders that what they are doing is okay…that puts us all at risk.

Integrity requires action, it is not an ideal or a philosophy or a belief. It is a way of walking in this world. Each time we show the courage to act with integrity we set a ripple effect in motion across the waters of the world.

Challenge: Do you say the right words yet not back them up with your actions? Commit to acting with integrity everywhere in your life…starting with your partner. Notice where you get stuck and where you move with courage.