THE IMPACT OF FRIENDSHIPS ON ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS: IS IT TRUE THAT YOU ARE WHO YOU HANG OUT WITH?

The quick answer to this question is yes…or at least you are soon likely to be.  Parents have known for a long time that the power of the almighty peer group is jaw dropping.  What we adults often fail to realize however, is that this is also true for us.

Research has shown that affairs are more likely to occur in work environments that condone them.  There’s something to be said for the power of the phrase “everyone’s doing it.”  Apparently, the knowledge that everyone is doing it makes it more acceptable for you to do it as well.  Even if you have always been vehemently against affairs, the more you’re around those who condone them, partake in them or encourage them, the weaker your views against them will become. 

This is true in a work setting or in a one-on-one friendship.  Women who are thinking about an affair are at greater risk of having one if their friend is having one.  This is also true for men.  I suppose it helps to reduce our guilt if we know our friends are doing the same thing.  Unfortunately, it doesn’t make it any less damaging or wrong. 

The reality is, regardless of whether your friends, coworkers, siblings or the world is doing “it,” it doesn’t make it any more okay for you to become another one of the many.  It doesn’t matter if those around you are drinking, drugging, having affairs or robbing houses -- if it’s hurtful to you or others, it’s wrong. 

Many women come in to my office complaining about their partner’s friends.  They claim the “friend” is a bad influence.  The typical response the partner makes is, “I know he’s not the nicest guy in the world, but he’s not me.  I would never do the things he does, but he’s my friend and I like to hang out with him.”  Sorry guys (or gals), the reality is...your partner’s right.  If your friend struggles with living in integrity and doing the right thing, s/he is not a good influence on you.  In the long run, even with the best of circumstances, their behavior or values may rub off on you.  Just as with our children, our peer group impacts our lives in ways we never intended. 

Choose your friends wisely.  Be clear about your values, priorities and beliefs and protect them at all times.  Stay conscious of the types of friends you hang around and their influence on you.  If you feel yourself getting pulled into a lifestyle or viewpoint that you previously wouldn’t have stepped into, then distance yourself from your friend.  Distance quickly.   Protect yourself and your family from the damaging effects of friends who don’t have your best interest at heart.  If they’re encouraging affairs, partying, deception, etc., they don’t have your best interest at heart.

CHALLENGE:  Make an honest assessment of the friends in your life.  Are they helping you to better yourself or are they holding you down?  Are they a good representation of you and your values?  Be careful about clinging -- out of guilt or to prove to your partner that you can hang out with anyone you choose -- to friends who don’t serve you or your family,  Some of them are not in your long-term best interest to be around.  

Comments

[Summer]

This is a correct statement!! The longer you are with some one who feels there is nothing wrong with what they are doing even if you at first disagreed -- you will soon agree that there is Nothing wrong with it.