PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE…AND A GIFT IN ANY RELATIONSHIP

Have you ever had one of those weeks in which it just seemed the world was holding up a mirror to you?  Well, this has been one of those weeks for me.  I’m learning a lot about my “edges” and realizing that working on them seems to be an endless journey. 

If you’re wondering to what I owe this wonderful magnification of my edges, I owe it to my mother’s arrival last Wednesday.  Yes, I’m not sure what it is about our family of origin that seems to rocket us back to our old childhood selves, but, it can be a powerful pull.  I must say, during the first two days I was convinced my struggle was about my mother’s issues.  Since then, I’ve begun to grow up again and see the reflection of me in our interactions.   

What I’ve learned is that patience is a virtue...and one I need more of.  I found myself being quickly irritated by innocent questions, critical feedback, well-meaning suggestions and on and on.  When I would show my irritation, my mother would become frustrated with my frustration or would look hurt and deflated. 

This experience led me to realize that many of us need to have more patience and acceptance of one another’s faults or foibles.  We need less judgment about how others live their lives and more acceptance of how we live our own.  Too many people are too easily annoyed by their loved ones for relatively minor behaviors or words.  In my office, I see parents constantly correcting their children, partners rolling their eyes at one another’s imperfect humanity and bosses contemptuously reprimanding their employees. 

Relationships require a general acceptance of one another’s idiosyncrasies and patience for one another’s humanity.  We all need to remember that we, too, are imperfect and stop assuming that we are the ones who are okay, while everyone else is flawed or off.  Once we accept that we too can do things wrong, we can be a little less judgmental of others.  As my daughter says, we don’t want to be in the attic (thinking we’re better than--grandiose), nor do we want to be in the basement (thinking we’re less than—toxic shame).  We want to be in the family room with everyone else (same as and centered). 

I will try to put this advice into practice over the next several days and breathe, be centered and be patient.  Wish me luck. 

CHALLENGE:  Pay attention to how patient and accepting you are of those around you.  If you find yourself easily irritated, stop assuming it’s because of the other person and start looking at your part.  Commit to work on your part for the next few weeks and see what happens within you and in relation to others.  Good luck!

(Note: Mom, Sorry and I really am glad you're here!) 

Comments

[Rachel]

I love your comment ML. Isn't that the truth and I am a mother and a daughter. So I hear my mom's feedback as critical but I don't think the feedback I give my daughter is critical. Perception is a funny thing.

[NubianGem]

You couldn't be talking about a better topic than this one this week. I am going through this as well, with my mother and the guy I'm dating, where I KNOW that I have to work on my patience. I have even been praying harder than usual this past week. This article is serious confirmation for me.
Thanks

[Lori]

As for employers go, I really believe my work is very good at accepting everyone for who they are as long as they get the job done. When I first started working here, the 'weird people' would bother me and I would think, why does such a high profile company keep such weird people around. After being here 6 years, I've learned that most of them are very kind people with some social norm issues that give the place some character. If it wasn't for those people being extra nice to everyone and running at the mouth, this place would be boring. So whenever I am talking to one of these people, yes, I do take a little breath and try to enjoy them for who they are.

[ML]

"Critical feedback?" Hmmm. Speaking as a mother, could that possibly be rephrased as "feedback I heard as critical?" ;-)