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April 29, 2010

The Five Things I’ve Learned From American Idol

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American Idol is a great show to watch if you want to learn a few lessons about owning your power, not playing small and daring to step up and create your future.  Below are the five most glaring lessons I pull from this show every time I watch it.  These are great lessons for relationships as well as careers.  Dare to step up and earn your place...

1.  Confidence, confidence, confidence!!!  It is nearly impossible to be successful in life or our relationships if we don't have healthy self-esteem.  Healthy self-esteem is the foundation upon which everything else rests.  If you don't believe in yourself, this is where you need to start.  When you don't believe in yourself the world sees this--no matter how hard you try to hide it.  The world then holds you in the same light as you hold yourself.  On American Idol, most, if not all, of the singers are talented; the ones who go the furthest, however, are the ones who own that talent rather than constantly doubt it.

2.  Stop defending and start listening!!!  Critical feedback can help you soar or take the wind out of your sails and sink you.  Which it does, depends on you.  When people take the time to tell you how they perceive you, this is priceless.  Stop defending and trying to pretend that they don't see what they see.  Acknowledge it, use it to learn from and change it.  When you're able to do this, pat yourself on the back and give yourself credit for having tremendous courage.  The judges on American Idol are trying to fine tune the skills of the singers.  There's nothing more frustrating than the singers, who have little experience, getting defensive about the feedback.  Defensiveness blocks intimacy, makes you look bad and leads to frustration for those on the receiving end of your defensiveness.

3.  Have the courage to be YOU.  Stop trying to be someone else and figure out who you are.  You have a unique gift to add to the world, stop trying to water that down by being someone or something you're not.  Figure out who you are, what you value and how you want to be in this world and then step behind this persona whole-heartedly.  Learn to share what you want to share, ask for what you want, not what you think you'll get and be who you want to be not who others want you to be.  Too many singers on American Idol lost their spot because they were trying to be Beyonce, or Whitney Houston, etc.  Their hesitancy to be themselves and carve their own niche created muddy waters.  Ultimately trying to be someone else paved the way for someone else and ended their stay sooner rather than later.

4.  Dare to let your light shine.  Be proud of your accomplishments, own your successes and don't try to play small so others feel better in your presence.  If you have a great relationship, don't pretend you don't around friends who are struggling in theirs. Your success is hard earned, be proud of it.  As Marianne Williamson says, "There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel unsure around you...As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same."  Shine, shine shine!

5.  If you want something, hold nothing back and give it your all.  If you want a healthy relationship, you do whatever you need to do to get that.  Stop making excuses, stop the blame and step in with both feet to create the change you are looking for.  Don't settle because you want to be liked, you feel bad or you think you can't get any better.  Decide what a healthy relationship looks like and then clean up your side and hold others accountable for cleaning up theirs.  If you love someone, act like you do with your words and your actions.  Hold nothing back--you may not get another chance.  In American Idol terms--you never know when you'll be voted off.

Challenge:  Look over the above list and evaluate what you need to work on.  Choose one and work it.  Pay attention to what happens as a result. 

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I could not agree with you more Lisa! This was fabulous! Its all about healthy self-esteem and healthy boundaries! Excellent points!

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