« Are Men Attracted to Strong Women? | Main | “Oh Honey, Not Tonight”: Sex After Parenthood »

May 27, 2010

Sexual Promiscuity and Its Ramifications in Relationships


One man has been having an affair for several months.  When his wife questioned him, he admitted to the affair and told her there was nothing she could do about it.  He subsequently went away every weekend with his mistress with no shame or remorse.  Upon his return home after each weekend, he would frequently speak to his lover on the phone in front of his children.  Obviously his children soon began to question him.  When asked what he thought the impact of his behavior was on his children, he said he was certain “they would get over it and be fine.” 

Another couple has been swinging for the past two years and is upset that their children found out.  The children are repulsed and not speaking to either of their parents.  While still a third couple has been swapping partners with their close friends on Saturday nights.  Shockingly (sarcasm here) the husband found out his wife and best friend have been having an affair outside of the Saturday “swaps”. 

I could go on with endless stories, but you get the picture.  Couples are becoming more and more promiscuous with little remorse.  In fact, many swingers, cheaters and porn addicts are justifying their positions.  Some people say humans aren’t meant to be monogamous, several say they’re unhappy in their marriages and they deserve to be happy, others say they have a high need for sex and on and on.

I don’t care what excuse you give or how you justify your indiscretions, the bottom line is you’re off.  If you’re unhappy in your marriage—work it or leave it.  If you are highly sexual and feel the need to have more than one partner—stay single and DON’T have kids.  If you don’t believe humans are meant to be monogamous—then don’t get married. 

Our culture has become a hotbed of selfishness and lack of integrity.  People are being sexual outside their marriages (swinging, swapping, affairs, etc.) because they want to be.  They want the rush of a new relationship.  They want the intensity of sex without the strings or commitment of marriage. 

The problem isn’t that people want this thrill.  After all, who doesn’t want the exhilaration of a new relationship?  Who isn’t attracted at some time in their marriage to someone else?  The problem is that people think that because they want something they have to have it.  They don’t bother to think about the repercussions their decisions will have on the other people in their lives.  The children “will get over it,” their spouse was a “b*tch/bastard,” their best friend didn’t treat their spouse as s/he deserved to be treated anyway…and so on.

Many adults think they deserve to have “it”—whatever “it’ may be.  Give me a break.  We are no longer two-year-olds, incapable of controlling our impulses.  Thinking it’s okay to have whatever you want is called selfishness.  If you wanted to do whatever you wanted to do, then you should’ve stayed single. 

Once you committed to marriage or had children, you were held to a higher standard.  Now your actions no longer impact just you.  Your children learn from you, are impacted by you and suffer the consequences of your actions, no matter how much you try to explain, justify or cover them up.  I don’t care what excuse you use to try to convince yourself and others that what you’re doing is okay.  The wisest part of you, and everyone around you, knows it’s not.

Every human being has to deal with the same temptations you do.  How each person deals with these temptations is what determines our character.  These choices also determine the legacy we create and pass down to our children. 

If you really care about your children—think about what legacy you’re creating with every decision you make.  Make sure your actions align with the legacy you hope your children will continue.  Stop thinking you’re entitled to behave however you’d like with no repercussions.  There are plenty of repercussions when it comes to sexual promiscuity—to you and your family.  Stop minimizing the impact of your choices on others.  You and your family deserve better.

CHALLENGE:  If you are caught up in a sexually promiscuous lifestyle, stop justifying your actions and start looking at them.  If you were being honest, what would be the consequences of your choices on your loved ones?  Are you in this lifestyle because you want to be or because you feel pressured to be or…?  If you decide you want this lifestyle, then get single…and figure out a way to explain this to your children if you have them. 



Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.


Nice article. My sentiments exactly. I'm a chaste, single 44 male(often mistaken for late 20's early 30's) but my faith and belief's in God's design of sexuality and everything else surronding it, including the respect toward's one's mate in true love and friendship, has made me always conclude that if people can't "keep it in their pants", then they should never marry. My brother, after a 17 year marriage with one kid, just started having an affair with no remorse. I've seen the devastation of my poor sister-in-law for losing 17 years of friendship. My brother? He has no remorse and justifies it by blaming my sister-in-law.

Sure there are consequences to every action. However, The fundamental problem is the way people think about sex, not the act itself.

We all choose how to react to things. We choose to be offended or accepting. People have control over their emotions and choose how to react. If you let your emotions rule you, then you will spend your life constantly offended, constantly believing you have been hurt by others, constantly blaming others for how you feel.

It's a harsh truth perhaps, but a truth nonetheless.

There is nothing inherently "right" or "wrong" with sex. It is only our perceived associations with it that cause us to pass judgement.

If two people decide to have an "open" relationship and are perfectly content with it, then what right is it of ours to pass judgement on them? How can you possibly say they don't love each other?

This is a great article,and I applaud the author for writing it.My parents engaged in this behavior and I found out as a small child.The emotional impact it had on me is unfathomable.It haunts me still to this day and I'm a 45 year old man.Many times swingers don't stop with just swinging too.They explore many more even more deviant behaviors as well.Its something no child deserves to bear.

Dear Brian: Thank you for sharing your experience. I'm sure there are many other children--adult and otherwise--who can relate a great deal to the struggle you went through.
Warm Regards-Lisa

The comments to this entry are closed.


TrackBack URL for this entry:

Listed below are links to weblogs that reference Sexual Promiscuity and Its Ramifications in Relationships:

Connect with Lisa

Icon Email

Icon Twitter

Icon Facebook

Icon Linkedin

Icon YouTube

Icon Blog Feed

Subscribe to Straight Talk 4 Women

Enter your email address to receive
updates every time I post

Powered by FeedBlitz

Listen to Podcasts

Purchase Products

Attend an Event

Training for Therapists