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July 06, 2010

Your Voices Have Been Heard

Thank you to everyone who took the time to send in a comment in response to my last post.  There were many comments by both men and women.  Most, if not all of the readers, are in agreement that the comment was not a good representation of most men. 

Although my readers are not a fair representation of the world at large, I believe they are  a fairly representative sample of people trying to have healthy relationships.  A couple of  readers were curious as to why the person who made the comment was on my site in the first place.  I choose to think he was looking for a little relationship advice since his way was likely not working :-). 

Many people were supportive of men as a whole, I'm happy to report.  Men and women alike believed most men don't think that way.  Even those who thought there are men out there who mostly think of women as objects, the consensus was that those men are the exception rather than the rule. 

My advice to women who come across men who are contemptuous of women or who view women as objects rather than partners is to run.  Run away fast and don't look back.  Do not try to change a man who thinks in either of these ways.  Move on and be glad you didn't get caught up in a bad situation.  Most people are fairly transparent when it comes to how they think.  Believe what you see, take what you hear at face value and don't assume they're someone other than who they say they are. 

My advice to the men in the world is to realize that when men talk poorly of women it really does give men a bad name.  Men need to step up for women to other men who degrade them.  Standing up for any woman is the best thing you can do to help your wives, sisters, mothers and -- most important -- your daughters.  The more men speak respectfully of women and the less locker room talk is encouraged, the more men will actively begin to create a safer future for all of our daughters and women in general. 

The more women stand up for themselves and not sell their souls for attention, the more we help our daughters to not sell theirs.  Creating a healthy relationship requires that both men and women treat one another with respect, admiration and the utmost regard.  When we don't, we hurt not only our relationships but also our world.

CHALLENGE: Pay attention to what you are putting out into the world and make sure it is what you would like to get back.  When in a relationship with someone, always remember to: believe what you see, take what you hear at face value and don't assume someone is different from what they say they are.  If they don't act healthy and respectful--they're not. Move on and don't look back.


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Thank you, Lisa. Your site is a Godsend. I appreciate how you BALANCE THE SPECTRUM, giving credence to both female and male perception. For too long, couples have just floundered in the quicksand of wrong upbringing; the media, religious views,political and peer pressure, changing roles, the bad economy....it's enough to drive single people insane, let alone add the responsibility and communication skill required FOR a good working relationship.You don't use overkill. You don't make empty promises. You just give expert; heartfelt, probably hard won ADVICE!Young couples think us older ones "have it made"; because we are supposed to be mature. have all the answers. But honestly, NONE OF US...have ALL of them. So glad I found you, dear.And rest assured, I do intend to spread the word. After all, this is what everyone is looking for....it is hope. it is GOOD NEWS...

Dear Carol: Thank you for your kind words. Glad to hear you find the site helpful. And, I absolutely agree that no one has all the answers--keeps us growing:-).
Warm Regards-Lisa

Brava Lisa! I love your writing and your advice is always dead-on. I too was horrified with this man's caveman attitude, but believe he's the exception, not the rule. I've met too many good men in my lifetime to believe otherwise.

When I read your post, I was reminded of a song by David Wilcox called "Rule Number One". Here are the lyrics:

Could be the one, could be tonight
A love that would feel so right
You look in his eyes, he pours the wine
They shine in the candlelight
Its easy to laugh, easy to smile
Except when the service was slow
Then he was cruel, suddenly mean
Not like the man you know
If he's rude to the waiter and it makes your heart confused
This is lesson # 1 .......Run

Get up and run, don't walk, don't wait
Rule #1 don't hesitate, your date is done.... Run

Look, this is a gift, this is a deal
Pay for the taxi back home
Its fare for the lift, fair for the meal
Return like warrior
What have you lost? Except for a dream,
A dream that would shatter like bone
Its better to run and get away clean
Than pay for the lawyer
If he's rude to the waiter and it makes your heart confused
This is lesson # 1 .......Run

Get up and run, don't walk, don't wait
Rule #1 don't hesitate, your date is done.... Run
Get up and run, don't walk, don't wait
Rule #1 don't hesitate, your date is done.... Run

Thank you Lisa for all your wonderful articles.

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