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February 28, 2012

Giving In Relationships

IStock_0complimentSmallI often talk about women not settling in their relationships and wanted to remind women (and men) that it’s equally important to be giving in their relationships.  All relationships are a balance of give and take.  We all have to be able to set limits when we need to while also being compassionate and relational will all those in our inner circle.  So below is a quick cheat sheet for how to give.  Always remember that whenever you choose to give something—even if it’s a small compliment—you do so with an open heart.  Don’ give with resentment or because you think you have to—give because you want to and it’s the loving thing to do.

10 ways to give:
1.    Smile.  Greet those around you with a genuine smile.  Show them you’re happy to see them—it costs you nothing and it feels great to the other person.
2.    Kiss hello and good-bye.  Never forget the importance of the two G’s: greetings and good-byes.  A quick kiss or hug can go a long way in someone’s day.  Too often we slowly stop doing these until one day kisses and hugs feel so awkward that we no longer do them. 
3.    Ask about their life.  This person is in your life for a reason—get curious.  Ask about what’s going on in their life—if it matters to them, it should matter to you too.
4.    Give compliments.  Don’t be stingy.  Compliments are an example of what I call “tender sprinkles”.  Tender sprinkles are like making a deposit in our relationship bank accounts.  They help carry us through the hard times and remind us about what feels good.
5.    Say, “I love you”.  Say the words and follow them up with loving actions. This is especially true for men. If you're not comfortable with saying these three words--tough.  get over it and speak them.  your partner and your children should never have to surmise that you love them. Just say the three words!

6.    Hug, hold hands or snuggle in bed.  Touch is significant in relationships of all kind.  We need to be touched in order to feel connected.  Hold your partner’s hand, pat your child on their back, high five your friend.  Touch is connecting.
7.    Laugh often.  There is nothing more fun than an awesome side-splitting laugh session!  Laugh hard and laugh often.  Don’t be so darn serious all the time—lighten up.
8.    Go the extra mile…with no expectation of return.  When in need, give help freely.  Help others as you would want them to help you.  Do not help others at the expense of yourself…and when able-give fully.
9.    Listen…and make necessary changes.  Stop defending yourself and instead take in what others say about you.  If your loved ones are struggling with something you do or how you are—look at it, hear it and change it.  None of us is perfect so don’t assume you are either.
10.    Be appreciative. If someone does something kind, say, “Thank you.”  Say it out loud and with a loving heart.  We all want to be appreciated so do your part and…appreciate!

Giving in relationships often does not take a monumental effort.  Giving is often in the little things.  However, the little things often add up to make a big impact.  Pay attention to how you are in relationships…and start giving.

Challenge:  Look over the list above and choose two areas to focus on.  Start incorporating those two points into your life today and notice what happens…on your end and theirs.


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Its not everyday in your life that you will find someone worth loving. Treasure each day like its the last day of your life.

Great post. :D

Giving with an open heart--what a beautiful idea!

It is in this spirit that couples so often struggle to give to each other.

And I believe that when a marriage is falling apart, a renewed sense of giving can sometimes turn around a relationship.

Turning around a troubled marriage by opening up the heart could be easier than enduring the pain of a bad relationship.

I wrote a post on how the giving of appreciation may be one of the more important gifts a couple can give each other.

All givings I read here are so nice and cute. I must start to give more in my relationship because I met girl of my life! cheers

Lisa, You Rock! :) xo

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