Relationship Game Changers: Characteristics That Burn Out Relationships (Part II)

There are a handful of characteristics that can, will and do make relationships extremely difficult. Last week I wrote about six of them and this week here are the remaining six. If these issues are present within you or within your relationships, chances are there are struggles in your relationships that are beyond the norm. Tackle these issues with a determination (not aggression) to get them under control.

• Control. Constantly telling others how to do something, what to do and when to do it, is annoying at best. If you struggle with wanting things done a certain way (your way), then learn to let go of your grip; people don’t like to be controlled. If someone is controlling you, stop going along and take a stand using a grounded, powerful strength (GPS). Stay calm and matter of fact and tackle this issue.
• Lack of accountability. “Love is never having to say you’re sorry” is a crazy saying. When people refuse to be accountable for their mistakes it becomes a chore being in relationship with them. We are all human, which means we are imperfect and will make mistakes. Making mistakes is not the problem; not owning them is.
• Blame. Blaming often happens when a person is feeling shame and they want to get out of that feeling. It’s thinking, “If you didn’t do __________(fill in the blank), then I wouldn’t have had to do _______________(fill in the blank).” This type of thinking gets really old to be around. If someone is constantly blaming their behavior on someone else, they’re unlikely to ever change their behavior. Justifying your behavior because of someone else’s will burn out your relationships. Someone else’s poor behavior is not a green light for yours. Period. If someone uses this type of thinking, don’t buy into it and if you think this way, you’re fooling yourself. We all do what we do because we choose to do it.

Lack of conversation. Relationships are about creating a sense of belonging and connection. When people barely speak, there’s little connection. If having a conversation is like pulling teeth, it will only be a matter of time before that relationship becomes too much work. If you’re in a relationship with someone, by all means talk with the person. If you don’t know what to say, look up current events and be able to discuss them. Stop being so boring and non-relational.

Workaholism. Burying oneself in work might be a great escape for the person working, however it’s extremely lonely for the people living with that person. If you want to run yourself into the ground via work, then stay single and don’t abandon a family because of your issues. Find balance or stay single. We have enough children in the world trying to heal from the lack of attention from their parents; we don’t need more.

Rage. This is a no brainer…people don’t like living in fear in their own homes. Rage is scary, traumatizing and abusive. Get it under control, set limits on it or leave it if the limits don’t work. Do not excuse rage, minimize rage or enable rage. The damaging effects are far too great for children, families and our world.

Relationships should not be constant work, however the issues above often make them so. Be familiar with these issues and tackle them head on as soon as you’re aware of them. Don’t sit back and hope they’ll go away and don’t excuse them within yourself. Seek help if necessary and clear up these issues. 

Challenge: Take an honest look at yourself and your relationships and be courageous enough to assess whether any of these issues are your issues. If so, start taking steps immediately to address them. This one decision could seriously change your life.

Note: Last week’s Part I post: http://lmerlobooth.typepad.com/straighttalk/2013/04/relationship-game-changers-characteristics-that-burn-out-relationships-part-i.html