Power from Within Versus Power-Over

Our world functions in a power-over paradigm. We confuse power with aggression and standing up for ourselves with stepping on others. World leaders, men, women, professional athletes, politicians and on and on, often move in power over others in an effort to get them to agree with their demands. Our world teaches us that yelling, intimidating and overall bullying others is okay if it serves our own needs. We snap at employees, tell our loved ones to shut up, shame our school children for mistakes, yell and scream at those we feel aren’t listening and bully those who struggle to stand their ground. We’re taught that sometimes the only way to be heard is to get BIG.

In the short run, this power-over paradigm often works. It succeeds in getting us what we want. People cower to our rage, they give in to our demands and many shrink to our intimidation. For the moment, we “win.” People back down, give us space and give in.

We forget to notice, however, what it feels like to the person on the other side. In that moment, we don’t really care that they gave in out of fear. We don’t care that people don’t like to be bullied, shut down or not listened to. We don’t stop to notice how our intensity or our rage silenced their voice. We only notice whether we got our way.

Be BOLD...Take a Chance…“Stop Settling:" A Tele-class for Creating Change

 I’ve watched women settle for less than they deserve for most of my life. I’m tired of watching women settle. I hated watching it when I was a child and I hate it now that I’m a grown up. I’ve watched women cower to rage, complain about rage, beg for the rage to stop and on and on. What I've seldom seen is women putting an end to rage directed at them. I’ve watched women plead, beg, yell, scream and cry to others in an attempt to get more help with the kids, the house, their sanity. Seldom do I witness women calmly and effectively stop over-doing and allow others to feel the hit of this decision. I’ve watched women sleep with men in an effort to “get” the man, only to later be heartbroken when they realize they are only one of many he is sleeping with. Far too many women are not willing to risk losing the man they never had by asking for exclusivity. I’ve watched women stay in jobs with abusive bosses, “mean girl” environments and toxic teams because they felt they had no other options. Seldom are there no other options. 

Far too many couples are actively destructive with one another, silently co-existing with one another or are coldly tuning one another out. Studies show that people in happy marriages outlive those in unhappy ones. In contrast, people in chronically unhappy marriages experience serious health issues such as depression, heart disease and even cancer. The bad relationships are killing us…and greatly impacting our children. 

It’s time for women to step into the world in a new way…as an equal, deserving of great things and, most certainly, great relationships. Not settling requires a bold determination to step into your life and your relationships differently. I’m offering a new tele-class to help you do just that. “Stop Settling” is your chance to create a new beginning. You don’t have to leave a relationship in order to transform it, nor do you have to leave a job, friendship or community. You do, however, have to be different in your relationship/job/friendship/community in order for change to happen. “Stop Settling” will walk you through the steps of how to create the change you’ve been looking for, but have been too afraid to go after. This class will show you how to step into your life with a Grounded Powerful Strength (GPS) that produces results both within you and around you.

Be BOLD, take the leap, and make the decision to “Stop Settling”…the stakes are too high not to. Click here for more information. 

 

Find The Courage... and Believe in Yourself

Too many people don’t believe. We don’t believe we’re smart enough, attractive enough, strong enough, fun enough or…simply…enough. We doubt our strength, we doubt our abilities and we doubt ourselves. When others make fun of us, treat us poorly or take advantage, we assume it’s because somewhere inside we’re defective and so we don’t challenge the integrity and character of the other person.

It’s time to start challenging.

Too many of us have no idea what we’re truly capable of. Too many of us sell ourselves short. Teenagers allow bullies to decide their fate, women allow men to determine their worth and employees allow bosses to take advantage. As long as this continues, bullies will continue to bully, men will decide which women are worthy and bosses will continue to take advantage. This doesn’t happen because they’re stronger, brighter or more worthy. It happens because too many of us think we are not.  This lack of faith in one’s self is killing far too many men, women and children. It’s harming our communities and it’s sucking the life out of too many amazing human beings.

It’s time to find the courage. 

Politics: Please Leave the Attacks and Contempt Out of the Conversation

The elections are finally here. The next President of the United States will be named within the next 48 hours and our nation will have spoken. This election has been an extremely close race, with strong feelings coming from all sides (Democrats, Republicans, Independents and everyone in between). I have no doubt that tomorrow these strong emotions will also be prevalent. Hopefully the adults throughout our nation will make an effort to share their emotions responsibly by protecting, with their words and actions, the dignity of all involved. To date, many adults have sadly failed in this regard.

I’m a firm believer in men and women alike finding their voices and speaking up for what they believe. In fact, much of my work centers on helping women find their voice. I am not a believer, however, in bashing others in the process. I’m well aware that not everyone agrees with this thinking. The political commentator Ann Coulter,recently gave an interview regarding her use of the word “retard” in relation to President Obama  (http://dailycaller.com/2012/10/25/ann-coulter-sticks-by-retard-tweet-says-screw-them-to-the-word-police-audio/.) It is a stunning interview that highlights the phenomenon of grandiosity in action. Ms. Coulter’s insistence that it is okay to call someone a retard, moron, imbecile or loser speaks to a sad state of affairs in our country today. Too many people believe that their beliefs, feelings or outrage justify their abuse and contempt of others. They blame their toxic response on the other person’s behavior, views or actions and don’t for a moment look at their own actions.

TV Anchor Jennifer Livingston Steps in With a GPS (Grounded Powerful Strength)

Jennifer Livingston, anchorwoman of WKVT in Lacrosse, Wisconsin, found her Grounded Powerful Strength when she courageously responded to a letter sent to her by a viewer, criticizing her weight.  The writer questioned whether Jennifer should be on TV given her weight issues.  Livingston addressed this man’s letter on-air Tuesday, October 2, 2012.

“The truth is, I am overweight," she said.  "But to the person who wrote me that letter, do you think I don’t know that?  That your cruel words are pointing out something that I don’t see?  You don't know me...so you know nothing about me but what you see on the outside and I am much more than a number on a scale."

Livingston continued, "That man’s words mean nothing to me, but what really angers me about this is there are children who don’t know better — who get emails as critical as the one I received or in many cases, even worse, each and every day."
 
“I leave you with this: To all of the children out there who feel lost, who are struggling with your weight, with the color of your skin, your sexual preference, your disability, even the acne on your face, listen to me right now.  Do not let your self-worth be defined by bullies.  Learn from my experience — that the cruel words of one are nothing compared to the shouts of many.”

What I find so refreshing about her response is how grounded she is in her delivery of it.  She is not yelling, calling names or being disrespectful in any way to the person who sent the letter.  Her calmness, combined with a strong message and said with a confident voice makes her message all that more powerful to hear.  She used a Grounded Powerful Strength (GPS) to guide her through her hurt, anger and upset…and it was impactful.