Valentine’s Day Anew: A Day to Consciously Cherish Loved Ones—Including Yourself

When I was a teenager, Valentine’s Day just seemed to be one more reminder of the fact that I didn’t have a boyfriend. It was another chance for all the cheerleaders and the like to show off how beautiful they were and how much all the guys wanted them. Ugh! Much of my college years were fraught with the same reminder of how inadequate I was, unattractive, unlovable…blah, blah, blah. For a long time after those tumultuous years that were filled with insecurity, constant comparisons and chronic self-doubt, Valentine’s Day was a mixed bag of something to get through intertwined with a sense of relief that I had someone. 

To this day, I hate the pressure that Valentine’s Day puts on teenagers, girls and women. The pressure for girls and women to have a boyfriend or man in their lives is constant. This pressure sets females up to doubt themselves without a male at their side. Don’t get me wrong, I love sharing my life with my husband and I think nice boyfriends for teens and single women are great. Males, though, should be an addition to a female’s life, not the completion of her life or the rubber stamp that proves a female’s worth. (This is the same for men and boys, by the way—they too don’t need to “prove” they’re a man by how many girls they have hanging on them). 

A 2014 New Year’s Wish for All Women Around the World

1. May you love yourself enough to surround yourself only with those who treat you well, hold you in high regard and add to your life. 
2. May you know that you deserve greatness and refuse to settle for less.
3. May you have the courage to make difficult decisions that will lead you to a brighter future.
4. May you treat yourself with kindness in your actions, your thoughts and your words.
5. May you not measure your worth based on how much you weigh, how good you look or how many men are chasing you.
6. May you learn to trust your instincts, have faith that you know what you know and no longer look to others for answers you have within you.
7. May you let go of the need for perfection in others or yourself and learn to appreciate who you have, what you do and who you are.
8. May you be confident enough within yourself to stand in your own power, walk in the world as an equal and never look to others to convince you of your worth.
9. May you have the courage to acknowledge and work on your issues and refuse to blame others for your fate, life, and choices. Know that you are the captain of your ship and steer it where you want it to go not where others try to take you.
10. May you have an amazing year of love that feels good to come home to, prosperity that creates a life of financial freedom and good health that lasts a lifetime.

Wishing all of you an amazing New Year in 2014!

Warm Regards,

Lisa

 

Wishing Everyone a Wonderful Holiday Season

Another year and another holiday season filled with great food, beautiful lights and endless season's greetings. Holidays are a great opportunity for all of us to take a break from crazy work schedules and spend some quality time with our loved ones. Regardless of what you do or don't celebrate, this time of year is like no other.

This holiday season may all of you...

1.  Take in the magic of the season. May you slow down enough to take in the beauty of the many decorated homes, trees, stores and cities. Tune in to the holiday music, children laughing, snow falling and sleds sledding. Enjoy the unique gifts of this season.

2.  Enjoy special time with your loved ones. Use this time of year to remember what really counts--relationships. Spend extra time playing with your children, holding hands with your spouse and remembering that being present is the greatest gift you can give. Give your time fully.  

3.  Begin to heal from current and past losses. For those who have suffered loss this year, my heart goes out to you. May you begin to find solace in your grief. Appreciate the gift that those who have passed brought to your life and treasure their soul's touch. Take time to give yourself TLC this season. Do whatever is necessary to help you carry them with you as you move forward.

4.  Feel gratitude for all that you have. Take time to appreciate what you do have. If you're healthy, be thankful. If you have a loving family, squeeze them tight and appreciate them. If you have a roof over your head, money in the bank and food in your home...be thankful. Being thankful for the little things helps us to handle the bigger things. Practice gratitude.

5.  Spread joy to those around you. Don't be Scrooge this season. Even if you don't celebrate a particular holiday-don't rain on everyone else's parade. Use the season to remind you of the gifts in life. Stop thinking no one should celebrate something unless everyone celebrates and instead be thankful for the reminder to take in all the things life has to offer each one of us.

6. Have a giving heart. Be kind this season. Call someone who is alone, say hello to a stranger and  help out someone in need. Spread kindness and take in the joys of being the giver.

7. Give your loved ones your best self. Don't get so caught up in tasks this season that you lose sight of what's truly important. Give your family you. Unhook from work, be fully present at home and take time to take in the gift of your family/friends and loved ones. Be mindful of taking in those special moments when your child squeezes your face, you and your partner have a moment of outrageous laughter or you quietly snuggle with a loved one. Those are life's precious gifts; be sure to take them in. 

The winding down of one year and the revving up of the next is a time for reflection, gratitude and hope. May all of you take in the joys and sorrows of this past year and begin to heal from any losses. May you be thankful for the gifts of life, family and friends. May you experience hope for a brighter tomorrow and inspiration to make that happen.

Wishing everyone a wonderful holiday season filled with much love, laughter and inner peace.

Warmly,

Lisa

Thanksgiving: What If You’re Not Feeling Thankful?

Thanksgiving is that time of year when everyone tells you to stop and give thanks for all you have. Be thankful for your family, a roof over your head, your health and on and on. But what if you’re not thankful? What if the reality is that your family is miserable, you don’t have a roof over your head and you’re not, in fact, healthy? What then? What if the last thing in the world you want to do is to “Be Thankful?” Or, what if you actually would love to be able to be thankful, but you just can’t muster it? 

If being thankful is something that feels beyond your scope at this time, then go for the next best thing: acceptance. I know it may sound crazy, but if things truly suck for you right now, don’t wallow in your misery, feel guilty about not being thankful or try to pretend that everything is great. Instead, breathe in, slow down and simply accept where things are for you right now. Take a slow deep breath in (through your nose) and just as slowly release it (through your mouth). Do this several times until you feel your heart rate slowing down and you feel calm. Next, get real with yourself. Take an honest look at where your life is and what about it you don’t like. Name those things. But name them  without exaggeration or drama or extreme thinking. Simply name the facts.  For example, “Thanksgiving is hard for me because I don’t have a family to go to or any close friends. I’m barely making ends meet and I hate my job. I don’t like where I am right now in my life.” 

Labor Day…A Day of Acknowledgement

This past weekend, countless families across the country celebrated Labor Day. Labor Day is an opportunity for people to sit back, take in and be thankful for all the hard work the American worker has done to help create the country in which we live today. It’s a well-deserved pat on the back to all of us who have ever worked and/or will ever work in America.

I hope all of you were able to enjoy this day. From the stay-at-home parent who works hard to be a stable presence in the home, to the CEO who is running large businesses to further our economy, may you realize how your efforts have helped this country move forward. The stay-at-home parents of the world are a vital cog in the wheel of innovation, hard work and prosperity, as is the grade school teacher, criminal lawyer, janitor, life coach, business owner, President, etc. To all of you, I say a great big “Thank You” for all you do. 

Moving forward, my fervent hope is that we, as a country, learn to work as hard in our homes, raising our children and nurturing our families, as we have worked (and continue to work) out in the world making money, pushing faster growth, innovating more and being more and more successful. May CEOs appreciate the value of safe-guarding their employees’ time rather than burning them out. May fathers across the country realize that being the provider is never a substitute for being a present father.  And may working mothers not fall into the absenteeism trap that took so many fathers from their families over the years. May we all learn the power of shutting off the cell phones, closing down the computers and being present with family in our off hours. And may those off hours be the rule, not the exception.

We are a great nation that has come a very far way in our progress, mindset and evolution…and yet we still have farther to go.  May our future progress bring us to a place of greater collaboration versus competition, a wiser sense of “we” rather than us-versus-them and a more well-rounded view of success that goes well beyond financial gains, job titles and popularity. My hope is that we, as a nation (and as a world), grow to learn the power of mutuality, partnering and giving, on a level seldom imagined. My greater hope is that we actually become masterful in putting this mindset into practice.

To all the past workers of yesterday and the future workers of tomorrow, I applaud your contributions to our great country and look forward to new and inspiring contributions to our world.

Happy Labor Day.

Warmly,

Lisa

 

Happy 4th Of July!

The Fourth of July is here.  As a result, there are parties abound, days off work, family gatherings, fireworks flying, delightful foods, and of course…alcohol flowing.      

When drinking and partying are done in moderation, celebrations are a great respite for many couples and families.  When celebrations are not done in moderation however, it can be a recipe for disaster.  

Key culprits to tipping the tables from fun to disaster are…too much alcohol, negative feelings and unwanted company.  It’s important to remember that alcohol lowers inhibitions.  This means that some people will become more gregarious, while others will become more obnoxious, mean-spirited, and/or difficult.  Either way, this often leads to many difficulties between family members and friends. 

When people are drinking they tend to be less tolerant, more impatient, and more bull-headed—hardly a recipe for healthy relationships.  So, if you’re planning on celebrating this holiday—or the next one—know your limits.  Be smart about how much you consume, what you choose to talk about and how you interact. 

Below are some helpful tips to keep in mind for future celebrations: 

1. Have fun and keep things light.  Parties are not the time to delve into your relationship issues, struggles and upsets.  Enjoy the day and give yourself and others a respite from serious conversations. 
2. Monitor your alcohol consumption.  Alcohol lowers your inhibitions, if you don’t like a family member normally, you will like them even less when under the influence.  Be a grown up not a teenager and stay sober, respectful and keep your wits about you.
3. Avoid the extremes.  Have fun without being obnoxious or rude. Don’t be so desperate to be the life of the party that you make a fool out of yourself or others.  Similarly, don’t hide off in the corner because you don’t like other people at the party or you don’t want to be there.  Be conscious that your actions impact others and keep yourself in check.
4. Parent responsibly.  If you have children, have an agreed upon depart time or plan that both partners feel reasonably comfortable with and that won’t throw the kids into a melt down due to exhaustion. 
5. Participate don’t hide.  Be present at the party physically, spiritually and emotionally.  Don’t hide behind your cell phone, being the ideal host or parenting. Mingle, talk, play…PARTICIPATE. 

Challenge:  Have a great day of celebration—with moderation.  Remember to be relational and follow the tips above. 

 

What I Learned in 2012

This past year, I’ve had the privilege of working with amazing clients, colleagues, entrepreneurs and the like.  I am incredibly grateful for all I have learned from them and with them.  Below are twenty of my key “take-aways” from this past year.  I wish all of you a very Happy New Year and hope that you all have learned a great many things in 2012 as well.
1.    I learned that a little act of kindness goes a long way; I feel better for giving and the receiver feels better for the kindness.
2.    I learned that sometimes I am my own best friend or my own worst enemy…I prefer to be my own best friend.
3.    I learned that even when I am at my wit’s end with my family…that I am truly blessed to have them.
4.    I’ve learned that not everyone is blessed with family and that loss can leave its mark on a person’s soul.
5.    I learned that really bad things can happen to really good people.
6.    I’ve learned that really good people can do really hurtful things.
7.    I’ve learned that, in order to make friends, you have to be a friend.
8.    I’ve learned that being vulnerable often leads to closeness -- not judgment -- when done with the right people.
9.    I’ve learned that the new year is a great time to reflect and start anew.
10.    I’ve also learned that any day of the year is a great time to reflect and start anew.

Gratitude during Thanksgiving and all the Year Through

This Thanksgiving is reminding me more than ever about, the importance of gratitude. In view of, countries at war, families in economic strife, the increase in sex-addiction in most of the therapeutic offices of my colleagues and the upheaval and damage that Hurricane Sandy has caused the Northeast, countless people are suffering. These struggles are a reminder for me that I personally have a lot to be thankful for. 

Many of us can easily get lost in the everyday angst of minor problems, daily stresses and overwhelm. We can get stuck focusing on all the things that aren’t going well, could be going better or that are stressing us out. The problem though with focusing on all the negative things is that they can then begin to weigh us down. The more we complain, the more we seem to have to complain about. The more we focus on the negative, the less positive appears to be showing up in our lives. And the more we are certain that nothing goes right, the less things go right. It’s almost like karma.

A Wish For Fathers This Father’s Day

Wishing all the dads across the world a wonderful Father’s Day. 
My wish for all of you:
•    May you experience the joy in your children like never before;
•    May you laugh hard with them, enjoy their company and make them a priority in your world.
•    May you realize that your greatest gift to them is your presence not your money and become their greatest anchor versus their biggest “provider”.
•    May you teach your sons to be thoughtful, caring AND strong so they become great men, fathers and husbands one day too.
•    May you teach your daughters to love themselves enough to know they deserve to be treated well and to accept nothing less from men or women.
•    May you experience the joy of your children looking up to you, admiring you and aspiring to be you, not just because you’re their dad but because you are a good man.
•    May you feel the warmth of you wife’s love as she admires the man you are.
•    May looking at your children, your family and your life bring a smile of pride and contentment to your face.
•    And most of all, may you be surrounded by people who love you, cherish you and are psyched to have you in their lives.

Happy Father’s Day to all of the great dads in the world…you make our world a better place.  May this Father’s Day bring you much joy, a lot of love and fantastic family moments that stay with you forever.

Warmly,

Lisa

What I’m Thankful For

In honor of Thanksgiving I thought I’d make a list of the things I’m grateful for, find joy in or add to my life.  I encourage you to add to this list and/or create your own.

I’m thankful for countless joys in my life. Here are just some of the key ones I savor:
1.    Coming home each day to my husband and two children…and enjoying their company.
2.    Being greeted by our two dogs wagging their tails because they’re so excited to see me.
3.    The memory of the first time my son was able to reach up and hold my hand with his little hand and walk with me.
4.    The warm sun on my face.
5.    Countless sunsets on warm days on the ocean.
6.    Full belly laughter.
7.    My mother’s willingness to look at her mistakes and apologize.
8.    A great steak and potato dinner.
9.    My mom’s baked ziti.
10.    Watching my children play soccer.