When You Don’t Take Care Of You, Other’s Don’t Take Care Of You Either

Over the years, I’ve worked with countless women who have centered their entire lives around taking care of others.  If their husbands wanted to take a job that involved excessive traveling, crazy work hours and almost no time with family—no problem.  The women would, in essence, become a single parent and pick up the slack for their husbands’ absences.  If the children wanted to be involved in countless activities, have their mother’s constant, undivided attention and limitless nurturance—by all means the women would become super moms and make that happen.  If their friends needed their help at the drop of the hat, again and again and again—no problem.  After all what are friends for, right?

The funny thing about working with all these women is they are often some of the kindest, most giving people you will ever meet.  They are also some of the most taken–advantage-of people I’ve met. 
•    The women with the traveling, workaholic husbands often come in heart-broken that their husbands have been having an on-going affair with a co-worker—while their wives keep the home life together so the husband can travel.
•    The “nurtured” children often boss “mom” around, talk disrespectfully and expect her to do what they want when they want.
•    Many of the women’s “friends” have a history of being very good at asking for help, yet not at all skilled at offering help.  The end result: the care-taking women end up giving and giving and giving, but receive very little in return (not only from friends, but from most people in their lives).

THE POWER OF NEGATIVE TALK (TO YOURSELF AND TO OTHERS)

The past five months I’ve been working hard on a new speech which I will give tonight (wish me luck!).  This process has brought to light, in a whole different way, the power of negative talk…and positive talk.

I have become acutely aware of the power of my words on my performance:  the days my rehearsals have gone well, my words were positive; the days they didn’t go well, I was beating myself up before I ever got started.  I’m aware this is not a shocking revelation to most people however, to realize that if I change the way I speak to myself, I will improve my speech tenfold is a very uplifting concept.

Individuals talk down to themselves every day, all day long, without realizing the impact of that on their day to day living.  We tell ourselves that we’re fat, stupid, not good at what we do, a bad parent and on and on.  Seldom do we take the time to remind ourselves that we’re worthy, competent, important, smart, capable etc.  It’s as though the only lens we look through is the one that’s grey and cloudy.

We need to change our lens.

AFFIRMATIONS UPDATE: Did you take on my challenge?

A few posts back, I wrote about affirmations and encouraged people to try them for 30 days—I was to do the same. Here is my update:

First off, I did indeed do my affirmation which was:

“I am feeling the fear and doing it anyway because I’m absolutely worth it and I totally rock”.

I was able to repeat my affirmations twenty-five times a day for eleven days. I forgot to do them on Christmas Eve which means I’m back at day one. I have decided to give myself the next week off while on vacation. I will start again Jan. 2nd.

Let me share however, what I noticed in those first eleven days. First off, I found that it was easier for me to say them while driving in my car to or from work. This allowed me a private space to say them aloud and my office is the perfect distance to complete them and not feel rushed. I also noticed that the first seven-nine days seemed a bit rote and inconsequential. I was repeating the affirmation yet wasn’t really “feeling it” (for lack of a better word).

The start of the second week surprisingly, had a very different feel to it. I remembered to say them more readily and I actually looked forward to saying them. More importantly, I began to actually believe them and felt more energized after saying them. I no longer felt silly, stupid or self conscious saying them and I no longer questioned if they would work. When I decided to take the week off, I found myself actually missing them. When I miss them I will say them, however I won’t start the count until January 2, 2007 (I don’t want to set myself up while on vacation).

So that’s where I’m at with my affirmations. Where are you with yours?

Challenge: Come up with an affirmation for yourself that feels right and share it with the people who read this blog. We’d love to hear some examples to inspire us.