13 posts categorized "VIOLENCE IN RELATIONSHIPS"

July 29, 2008

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: THE READERS SPEAK OUT

I've received several comments following my last post on domestic violence and wanted to address some of them.  FIrst and foremost I want to thank all my readers for taking the time to write in on this topic.  I also want to thank several of you for reminding me that women are not the only ones who are physically abused.  Although domestic violence is more common for women than men, men are also the victims of physical abuse by thier partners and subsequently deal with many of the same painful issues as women who are abused.

 It is difficult to get an accurate statistic on the frequency however due to the low level of reporting by men.  Men often don't report the violence due to several factors including: the stigma of a man being hit by a woman, not believing they will be believed, the physical damage is often much less than when the man is the perpetrator, lack of community support and knowledge of violence by women toward thier partners.

Many readers also commented on the difficulty of leaving violent relationships.  Leaving violent relationships is one of the most difficult things to do.  Often there has been years of abuse on top of isolation and a break down of the person's spirit; these are not easy obstacles to overcome.  If they are able to overcome these obstacles and actually make the decision to leave, then they have to deal with the fact that they are the greatest risk of violence when they leave...not an easy feat for anyone to overcome let alone someone who has been beaten down emotionally and physically for years. 

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July 22, 2008

YOUR RELATIONSHIP OR YOUR LIFE? NO ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP IS WORTH YOUR LIFE!

This week’s headlines regarding Nancy Cooper’s murder has led me to write this post.

Nancy

was the mother of two beautiful little girls who are now left to deal with one of the most traumatizing, life altering adversities anyone could ever experience.  Whether her husband is guilty of this murder or not, it brings to light the horrifying reality of domestic violence.

 

I receive several e-mails from women involved in either physically abusive or emotionally abusive relationships.  Often these women talk about their struggle to leave or their wish for things to change.  They cling to this idea that their partner will come to his senses and all of a sudden see the error of his ways and no longer be abusive.  

 

I have yet to see this happen.  In fact one truth I know is: wishing the relationship will change, will never change the relationship.

 

Continue reading "YOUR RELATIONSHIP OR YOUR LIFE? NO ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP IS WORTH YOUR LIFE!" »

October 20, 2006

ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS

This post is a very difficult one for me to write because it’s contrary to the standard message around abuse. So…before you read this post, if you are in, or have ever been in, an abusive relationship (either verbally or physically), please use your boundaries while reading this.

Let me start by saying that I don’t believe anyone causes their partner to hit, swear at, threaten, shame, or hurt them in anyway…that choice is made solely by the perpetrator of the abuse. And yes, I do believe it’s a conscious choice that a partner makes to be abusive.

That said…although I don’t believe one partner causes another partner to be abusive; I do believe the partner who is being abused plays a huge role in the continuation of that abuse…

When individuals are being abused by a loved one and don’t stop it, they, by default, keep it going. In psychological terms, they enable their partner to be abusive. If someone doesn’t stop abuse, then they are allowing it to continue. Abuse cannot go on and on if there’s not a body to abuse.

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